Fabrica Scribendi

We have moved!

2011-02-21T12:37:00.000-07:00

Some of you may know that I've been in the process of moving pretty much anything writing related under my pseudonym, so dear followers, if you would please migrate with me: Fabrica Scribendi will be closing its doors and migrate over to Paper Storms

Yes, there will be cookies :D

2010 in Books

2010-12-31T19:50:00.003-07:00

I've read 120 books this year. Most of them were great, some of them only mediocre, some of them pretty horrible and some, quite a few actually, were downright amazing and a great inspiration to my writing.

Also, I need a new bookshelf. Again. ;)

Seems to become kind of a New Year tradition for me, the whole book shelf-buying thing.

Interestingly enough, this year there's A LOT of YA on the list; I guess I'm kind of a Late Bloomer in discovering the awesomeness of this genre. Also, don't really have one favorite for this year, but if I was to pick a few books that definitely stood out among the rest then it'd be Sarah Rees Brennan's THE DEMON'S LEXICON and THE DEMON'S COVENANT, as well as Holly Black's WHITE CAT in YA, Richard Kadrey's SANDMAN SLIM in Urban Fantasy, same for Jim Butcher's CHANGES (can't wait for the next book!) and Manna Francis' Administration series in adult/erotica. But then again there's way more on this list that was just made of plain good ol' awesome :D

So without further blathering on my part, my list of books read in 2010:

1.) Henrik Ibsen – FOUR PLAYS
2.) Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn – THE GULAG
3.) Czeslaw Milosz – THE BOOK OF LUMINOUS THINGS
4.) Voltaire – CANDIDE
5.) Milan Kundera – THE UNBEARABLE LIGHTNESS OF BEING
6.) Joe Abercrombie – BEST SERVED COLD
7.) Tamara Allen – DOWNTIME
8.) Tamara Allen – WHISTLING IN THE DARK
9.) Holly Black – TITHE
10.) Holly Black – VALIANT
11.) Holly Black – IRONSIDE
12.) Holly Black – WHITE CAT
13.) Chaz Brenchley – THE BRIDGE OF DREAMS
14.) Jim Butcher – CHANGES
15.) Kristin Cashore – GRACELING
16.) Kristin Cashore – FIRE
17.) Cassandra Clare – CITY OF BONES
18.) Cassandra Clare – CITY OF ASHES
19.) Cassandra Clare – CITY OF GLASS
20.) Cassandra Clare – CLOCKWORK ANGEL
21.) Suzanne Collins – HUNGER GAMES
22.) Suzanne Collins – CATCHING FIRE
23.) Suzanne Collins – MOCKINGJAY
24.) Lynn Flewelling – THE WHITE ROAD
25.) Lynn Flewelling – GLIMPSES
26.) Manna Francis – MIND FUCK
27.) Manna Francis – QUID PRO QUO
28.) Manna Francis – GAMES AND PLAYERS
29.) Manna Francis – CONTROL
30.) Manna Francis – QUIS CUSTODIET
31.) Manna Francis – FIRST AGAINST THE WALL
32.) Jeaniene Frost – HALFWAY TO THE GRAVE
33.) Jeaniene Frost – ONE FOOT IN THE GRAVE
34.) Jeaniene Frost – AT GRAVE’S END
35.) Jeaniene Frost – DESTINED FOR AN EARLY GRAVE
36.) Jeaniene Frost – FIRST DROP OF CRIMSON
37.) Rebecca Gable – DAS SPIEL DER KOENIGE
38.) Rebecca Gable – DAS ZWEITE KOENIGREICH
39.) Kelly Gay – THE BETTER PART OF DARKNESS
40.) Austen and Graham-Smith – PRIDE AND PREJUDICE AND ZOMBIES
41.) Tanya Huff – BLOOD PRICE
42.) Tanya Huff – BLOOD TRAIL
43.) Tanya Huff – BLOOD LINES
44.) Tanya Huff – BLOOD PACT
45.) Tanya Huff – BLOOD DEBT
46.) Tanya Huff – SMOKE AND SHADOWS
47.) Tanya Huff – SMOKE AND MIRRORS
48.) Tanya Huff – SMOKE AND ASHES
49.) Jaida Jones and Danielle Bennett – HAVEMERCY
50.) Jaida Jones and Danielle Bennett – SHADOW MAGIC
51.) Richard Kadrey – SANDMAN SLIM
52.) Richard Kadrey – KILL THE DEAD
53.) Richard Kadrey – BUTCHER BIRD
54.) Stacia Kane – UNHOLY GHOSTS
55.) Stacia Kane – UNHOLY MAGIC
56.) Stacia Kane – CITY OF GHOSTS
57.) A. S. King – THE DUST OF 100 DOGS
58.) Ursula K. Le Guin – THE LEFT HAND OF DARKNESS
59.) Ellen Kushner – SWORDPOINT
60.) Malinda Lo – ASH
61.) Kasey Mackenzie – RET HOT FURY
62.) Richelle Mead – VAMPIRE ACADEMY
63.) Richelle Mead – FROSTBITE
64.) Richelle Mead – SHADOW KISS
65.) Richelle Mead – BLOOD PROMISE
66.) Richelle Mead – SPIRIT BOUND
67.) Perry Moore – HERO
68.) Richard Morgan – BROKEN ANGELS
69.) Jill Myles – GENTLEMEN PREFER SUCCUBI
70.) Jill Myles – SUCCUBI LIKE IT HOT
71.) Carol Lynn Pearson – GOODBYE, I LOVE YOU
72.) Carol Lynn Pearson – NO MORE GOODBYES
73.) Jordan Castillo Price – AMONG THE LIVING
74.) Jordan Castillo Price – CRISS CROSS
75.) Jordan Castillo Price – BODY AND SOUL
76.) Jordan Castillo Price – SECRETS
77.) Cherie Priest – BONESHAKER
78.) Sarah Rees Brennan – THE DEMON’S LEXICON
79.) Sarah Rees Brennan – THE DEMON’S COVENANT
80.) Rick Riordan – PERCY JACKSON AND THE LIGHTENING THIEF
81.) Max Brooks – THE ZOMBIE SURVIVAL GUIDE
82.) Ash Penn – STRAY
83.) Jeff Somers – THE ETERNAL PRISON
84.) Jeff Somers – THE TERMINAL STATE
85.) K. A. Stewart – A DEVIL IN THE DETAILS
86.) Maggie Stiefvater – SHIVER
87.) Maggie Stiefvater – LINGER
88.) Rob Thurman – NIGHTLIFE
89.) Rob Thurman – MOONSHINE
90.) Rob Thurman – MADHOUSE
91.) Rob Thurman – DEATHWISH
92.) Rob Thurman – ROADKILL
93.) Rob Thurman – CHIMERA
94.) Sarah Waters – FINGERSMITH
95.) Scott Westerfeld – LEVIATHAN
96.) Kiersten White – PARANORMALCY
97.) Chris Wooding – RETRIBUTION FALLS
98.) Markus Zusak – THE BOOK THIEF
99.) M. J. Pearson – HELPLESS
100.) Jim Butcher – SIDE JOBS
101.) Gail Carriger – SOULLESS
102.) Gail Carriger – CHANGELESS
103.) Stephan Grundy – RHEINGOLD
104.) Anonymous – NIBELUNGENLIED
105.) Diana L. Paxson - TAKING UP THE RUNES
106.) Joel Derfner - GAY HAIKU
107.) Harry Connolly – CHILD OF FIRE
108.) Kelly Gay – THE DARKEST EDGE OF DAWN
109.) Lisa Desrochers – PERSONAL DEMONS
110.) Richelle Mead – LAST SACRIFICE
111.) Brenna Yovanoff – THE REPLACEMENT
112.) Rachel Caine – GLASS HOUSES
113.) Rachel Caine – DEAD GIRL’S DANCE
114.) Rachel Caine – MIDNIGHT ALLEY
115.) Rachel Caine – FEAST OF FOOLS
116.) Rachel Caine – LORD OF MISRULE
117.) Rachel Caine – CARPE CORPUS
118.) Rachel Caine – FADE OUT
119.) Rachel Caine – KISS OF DEATH
120.) Rachel Caine - GHOST TOWN

And what about you? How many books did you read in 2010? What are your favorite picks?

In which I get all kinds of introspective and maybe just a little bit sappy, but intend to do it well ;)

2010-12-23T20:36:00.002-07:00

Five years ago today my best childhood friend died in a car accident at age 18. And other than thinking "wow, it can't possibly have been this long ago" and "man, I still miss her" and "I wish we had spent more time together" and "yes, that trip to Rome together in 12th grade was amazing", what today makes me think of is how important it is to live your life, every day, every moment to its fullest, because hey, you never know when it's over, right?

On that note, the question rolls around: what have I done with my life? I'm I holding up to that idea to live my life in a spontaneous, no-regrets way or am I just talking nice to make myself feel better? Honestly, I've been wondering about that lately in a bout of what my mother likes to refer as "the female obsession with chronic, unwarranted self-doubt." And you know what, I think she's got it right about the "unwarranted" part, because looking back - although it's been a quiet year without my usual half-ton of trips etc - I think I accomplished quite a bit, actually.

I finally finished writing the book that's been kinda sorta on hold since I finished the first draft in 2007 and not only did I revamp it entirely and take a huge leap in reconceptualizing the whole thing, I also really got myself back into the swing of writing, employing tons of things that I've learned in the meantime. Sure, it needs a ton of editing, but I feel like things are finally heading into the right direction. Hey, only took me like four years to get there ;)

Also, I started to write a second book, a book that's a bit our there, a book that challenged me to genre-bend and doubtlessly a book that's totally in the beginning stages of things. But it's a good book. Or will be. Maybe. Probably. I won Nanowrimo with it, also for the first time since 2007 and more than that my head is actually once again full of ideas. Which is something that should come natural to every writer, but for me for whatever reason, this one has kind of been the tough part, the part where I felt like a total hack, with only that One Idea prevalent in my mind, but nothing else. But now we have soon-to-be-awesome Urban Fantasy (aka the Nanowrimo book) and a steampunk meets Firefly with vampires idea that yet needs to be started, but will be awesome. So yeah, I guess on top of writing a bit more than one and a half novels this year, I also found my muse again and if anything that's even more important than finishing drafts.

That's it for the writing-related site, but what about me personally? Let's see.

- I immigrated. Or rather, I managed to get through all the chaos of paperwork and emotional trauma, let alone come up with the finances to make sure that I'm now a permanent holder of what I like to refer to as my Magic Ticket (y'know, one of those shiny green cards that say, no, we won't kick you out of our country again ;) And yes, I did manage to get there without a lawyer. Go me ;)

- I realized that home isn't really home anymore. Now that may sound negative, given how I went back home to Germany and actually found myself missing my home here in U.S. and it's not saying that I don't miss my family and friends over there, but in the end, I realized that I'm just not the same person who left Germany back in 2007 anymore and maybe that's a good thing. I may not have stopped trying to find my place yet, in fact, I'm probably still wandering about, fumbling in the dark, but while I'm doing so, I also would never want to have missed all the things that come along with it, least of all the feeling that what I'm doing I'm really doing by and for myself. What can I say, independence is shiny ;)

- I finally got around to changing my name back to my maiden name (again, braving paperwork and lots of frustration, but hey, it's done :))

- I got my GPA up to 4.0 (yeah, I'm a nerd and proud of it, so sue me :p)

- I read 115 books so far (and counting. The year isn't over yet, guys ;))

And most important of all, I think I finally seem to have figured out what's me, or more importantly what's so not me. On top of the writing, the reading and generally being an unrepentant nerd, I finally learned that I'm perfectly okay by myself, that I'm not necessarily the relationship type (or rather, that I finally developed standards). Also, that partners come and go, but it's friends that last, it's friends who will pull me out of my occasional emotional ditches and that's something pretty damn priceless in my opinion.

So yeah, on the bottom line, I think the best thing I learned this year is to be myself and do my own thing and that quirks and occasional weirdness is what makes things all the more awesome.

Thinking about my friend, I actually had this really weird, surreal dream back when I'd first moved to the U.S. in which, for whatever reason we were both talking about things that were going on in our lives and how much had changed over the years. Now I don't exactly remember the details of it all, but in the end it pretty much boiled down to "Whatever you do, do it well."

Not sure if I'm entirely successful at that yet, but all things considered, I think I'm heading into the right direction.

/end personal sappy rant

Why it really does get better.

2010-10-03T18:10:00.002-06:00

I was about thirteen when I realized I was in deep shit.

In small-town Germany, I always used to be the weird kid, the kid that didn't fit in, no matter how hard she tried, the kid that was different. And back then I hadn't even figured out that I was gay (or bi or whatever you want to call it) yet. The rest of the story you probably know and that's really not what this is about. This isn't about all those times you couldn't get out of school fast enough, or hoped you'd survive another ride home on the school bus, or learned the Importance of Running Really Fast, because you'll have to get the hell of here or they'll kill you next time. This also isn't about you the times when you thought that maybe it'd be better if they did, or the times when you thought how it'd be to just go ahead and do it yourself. Because that'd be when they'd win.

No. What this is about is when you're the one who wins. This is about the part when it does get better and why.

Now, my personal experience is that Getting The Fuck Out has really worked for me, in a way. Things definitely got a lot better when I moved from smalltown Germany to Bigtown Frankfurt, where I went to university, and even more importantly lived with a bunch of very diverse room mates in this totally run-down hole-in-a-wall dorm in the Frankfurt Westend. Yes, it definitely helped that some of them were gay or simply didn't give a shit who you hang out with or brought back to your room (whether or not you REALLY need to relay ALL the details of your sexual conquests to the rest of your room mates in the kitchen later is up for debate - yes, Gerald, I'm talking to YOU - but whatever). The bottom line: things will definitely go a whole lot better for you in big cities, yes.

But what if you can't get our? Or, what if you got yourself smack into the middle of Jesusland America, full of the religious crazies and you're wondering how the hell THAT happened and if you really haven't learned anything in all those years of wanting to get out of all of this.

Well here's a simple truth for you - you'll find intolerant people anywhere, but you'll also find lots of awesome people where you'd least expect them to be.

In my case, I probably have more queer friends (and more of the straight-but-not-narrow sort) here in Utah of all states than I ever had back in Germany. Sure, sometimes just about everything about living here pisses me off and I still want to get back to a bigger city, but all in all, I've also found a lot of amazing people, people who understand me, people who want to be different - queer or not - around here and it's great.

Sure, there still are those days when I wonder what the fuck I'm doing here and if all of this isn't a giant waste of time. There are those days when I feel like nobody is possibly ever going to want to read those LGBT-themed books that I write. That it's all insignificant drivel. Or when I worry about what will happen once I've actually finished school and become a teacher here, a teacher who's going to be openly bi, a teacher who hopes she'll actually be able to help some of those students who are stuck in that time where it seems like things just aren't going to get any better, ever.

Some days, living here does indeed feel like running against a wall.

But then again there are those days when life just rocks or my mother tells me "Look how far you have come. You'd never have gotten this far, if you hadn't decided to go your own way. You're doing great and I'm proud of you." Those moments somehow make it all seem worth it.

So really, when it comes down to it, this is about three things.

One is don't let them win. Get out if you have to. Take that leap of faith. It'll be worth it.

Two is that you're not the only one out there. Even if it seems that way sometimes, you'll also find awesome people where you'd least expect them.

And three is what's probably most important: It's going to be okay. It'll get better and really being different is what ultimately makes you awesome.

P.S.: On that note, I just want to plug two absolutely wonderful books that have been very inspiring to me, especially over the last year. Carol Lynn Pearson's account of her life and lifelong love and friendship with her gay husband GOODBYE, I LOVE YOU and NO MORE GOODBYES. Both of those books are very Utah-specific in a way, but I think they go beyond that as Pearson gives a very personal account of the struggle people of the LGBT community still face and ultimately what tolerance really means. Go check them out :)

Also, if you haven't checked out Dan Savage's It Gets Better Project channel on youtube, go and do that RIGHT NOW.

Oh and yes, living proof for my flag-waver-dom: 17-year-old me wrapped in a rainbow flag :)

So I finished this draft. Now what?

2010-08-22T19:09:00.002-06:00

Dusting off the cobwebs (and are those BATS coming out of the black hole that is my blog???), I just wanted to announce that, no, this novel has not managed to kill me and yes, I in fact did finish this draft of it - yay me :D

I ended up shooting past my original word count goal of 80,000 words and ended up with a hunk of a 91,125 word drat that should be the third (or was it fourth?) draft of a novel I've been working on for four years now, but really this thing is more like a first draft than anything.

So now what do I do?

Three things, really:

Yes, I have a slight post-it-note addiction problem...

1.) Print the draft. Yes, the full draft. No matter how loudly the printer complains or how much ink/paper it takes (wait, is that smoke coming out of my printer???)

2.) Import the complete novel into Scrivener, if you have it. Honestly, this program alone has totally been worth buying a macbook (yes, I'm a recent mac-convert and I love it :D). Outlining and getting a good overview of your project is a breeze with the index cards and outlining tools of this program.

3.) Holly Lisle's One Pass Revision Method. My wonderfully awesome crit partner Parametric first recommended this to me and I'm finally ready to really try this (fortunately I already jotted down tons of notes regarding part 1 of this revision method and we'll see how the rest goes, I'll keep you posted).

So here's my To-Do-List for the next couple months:

1.) Revise EMPIRE OF LIGHT (It'd be lovely to have this completely revised by the end of October, but we'll see how much school and work life kick my otherwise reclusive ass ;))

2.) Critique lots of queries over in Absolute Write's Query Letter Hell (QLH), in hopes of getting a good grip on what works and what doesn't work in queries and come up with a workable query pitch for EMPIRE OF LIGHT that doesn't make me cringe.

3.) Outline and start THE GHOSTS I CALLED (TGIC), my YA urban fantasy featuring zombie dragonslayers, shirtless ghosts and a gender-changing main character.

3.) NaNoWriMo. Tentatively planning on either finishing TGIC or kicking off LEVITICUS (which I also need to outline), my "steampunk meets Firefly with vampires" idea.

So yes, it'll be a busy couple of months coming up. Hopefully I'll survive and will not fall prone to caffeine-induced cardiac arrest or just plain kill myself by being either too busy or (which is more likely) do something completely stupid. Here's hoping ;)

Die, procrastination, die!

2010-06-16T19:06:00.002-06:00

Seriously, I always feel bad when I sleep too long (meaning more than five hours on a work day/night) Oh well, this over night schedule isn't going to kill me (yet). Anyway, today is one of those days that I'd rather have spent writing. Or writing more at least. Guilt, guilt, well damn.

Anyway, then I stumbled over this video of fellow writer and YA Rebel Jen Haley (check out her blog, it's awesome) and it kind of made my day, because...you know that feeling, right? That nagging feeling? ;)

Teaser Tuesday does some head-hopping

2010-06-15T16:49:00.000-06:00

Hi everyone!

This teaser is from a little bit of a purposefully weird chapter of EMPIRE OF LIGHT. Ares has been taken by the Empire after bringing Damian back from the dead. And now weird shit is happening. Or should we say, more weird shit is happening?

Enjoy :)

Something was bleeping right by my left ear. It was one of those ridiculously high-pitched, horribly annoying sounds. Like an alarm clock from hell. I reached out to swat at it, do anything to make it stop, but I could hardly move. With excruciating slowness, I managed to turn my head on its side and lift my eyelids. At first they were stuck together with some crusty, dried goo, but at the second try I managed to open them. Bright white light stabbed my retinas, making me blink like crazy for a moment.

Then I was able to take in my surroundings. There was a bump in my arm where a long needle was buried deep in my vein, which would be why trying to move my arm hurt like hell. That and the gazillion of wires and cables coming out of me and running to way more machines than should’ve fit into the tiny hospital room. Though this wasn’t a hospital. More like…a lab.

Fuck!

Adrenaline spiked.

The bleeping got louder, frantic like my breathing as I tried to jerk free, ignoring the pain that flared up in my arm. I had to get out of here. Had to—

“He’s waking up,” a voice somewhere to my right said. A man with a beard, clad all in white leaned over me. I knew that face. The white hair, those purple eyes.

Raeyn…

No. This one was older. The bleeping amplified to a violent screech along with my panicked heartrate. Oh shit. Oh shit!

“Easy, easy,” Sirius Nymeron, none other but the Emperor himself said in a voice that sounded much too soothing to go along with those hard, lilac eyes. “You need to rest. You aren’t ready yet. Sleep.”

“Wh—“ I tried to get the words out, but my tongue was thick and numb in my mouth, so everything came out mangled. “What—“

A calloused hand brushed against mine, adjusting something connected to my index finger. “A little more of the sedative should put him under long enough,” someone to Nymeron’s left said and everything turned blurry.

“No…I—“

“Sleep, Ares,” Nymeron said again and suddenly sleep seemed like a pretty good idea. Only that—Wait a minute, Ares?

What the fuck—

“Damian! Damian, wake up!” Someone was shaking me.

Voice Issues - You know, I should've just listened to Damian.

2010-06-13T08:27:00.001-06:00

“Why the fuck do I have to do all the body-dragging?”
“Because,” Raeyn said, “to put it into your words, we’ve fucked up. No, let me rephrase, you fucked up. And now man up and do your job.”
“Seriously surprises me that you haven’t stuck a Dumb Muscle label to my forehead yet.”
“You want one? Why didn’t you tell me so before?”

What is the first thing that usually pops into your mind when creating a scene or even a whole chapter? In the paast, the answer for me has usually been an image of a scene, a piece of very vivid description, or a character in general (my novel ideas definitely start out with the character first). But in the microcosm of writing, lately I tend more and more to think of voice as being the incident that really triggers a scene. I suppose a lot of this has to do with the fact that I have a pretty boring over night work routine that gives me tons and tons of time to mull over my writing (that and BS and trash-talk with my supervisors, love you guys!).

Consequently, I often start a chapter not so much based on my outline, but on a specific key line that pops into my head. A lot of this has to do with the character dynamics in this scene, but overall the advantage of starting things out with a popping key line is that you really get into the swing of things. Those lines aren't just random pieces of witty dialogue, they set the mood and stage for your scene and in the end they're what keep me going.

Not sure about you, but I totally lose my grip on a scene, if I lose grip on my character's voice. Or maybe that's just my ultimate quick-fix for everything. Not sure. All I know is that Damian's PoV is full of win and that I love how things keep flowing once I hit the voice just right. What about you? How do you deal with voice/flow issues?

In case you thought EMPIRE OF LIGHT is all I have up my sleeve --- oh, wait, is that a LAPTOP in your pants???

2010-06-07T16:52:00.000-06:00

No. Not a laptop, but a new shiny WIP. You may or may not have heard me ramble about it before, but as soon as EMPIRE OF LIGHT is finished, polished, cohesive and potentially marketable and *gasp* query ready, work on my YA urban fantasy SLEEPING WITH GHOSTS will ensue.

SLEEPING WITH GHOSTS in short is going to be part crazy crossover between American urban fantasy and Germanic legends, featuring a bi-gender protagonist, who not only happens to be a cursed, pathological liar, but also has issues with ghosts and the occasional zombie getting into his/her way. Together with Sig, a resurrected (or shall we use Ash's term "zombified"?) dragonslayer of Germanic myth, Ash has to deal with ghosts frequenting his/her dreams, some kick-ass agents of the Cursebreakers on their heels, and oh, did I mention zombies?

So stay tuned for a tiny excerpt from what is going to be SLEEPING WITH GHOSTS. This one is going to be fun and I can't wait starting to really work on it :)

“It would be a stupid idea to kill me.” I flashed Merle my most convincing smile.

Apparently it didn’t impress her or her heavy boot that kept me pinned to the ground. Or her knife aimed right at my throat.

“Really?” Merle raised one coppery eyebrow. What was it with Redheats hating my guts? And anyway weren’t freckles supposed to make you look a little childish, friendly, harmless?

Bull shit.

In Merle Lando they brought out the badass. Her hair glowed like hellfire in the fading sunlight. “I think killing you is the best idea I’ve had in the last century or so.”

“But I know where the key is. The ghosts told me. You’ve seen it, remember?”

“Shifter,” Merle said, rolling the word back and forth on her tongue, relishing it.

I wished she’d stop calling me that. Right after she let me go and be on my way to betray her again. They say if you have partners like me, you don’t need enemies. They may be right and damn me if I regretted anything I had done. It had been necessary, damn it.

“Liar,” Merle said, voice suddenly distant, reminiscing. “You always lied. You lied about the ghosts, you lied about the Cursebreakers, you lied about who you are. Lies, all of it. It’s your fault they’re dead. You killed my family. You. Not them. It’s never been them.” Merle’ eyes burned with blue fire. “But I’m done waiting. Done following you around. It’s your turn now. Finally.”

“Yes,” I swallowed, carefully, eyes fixed on her hand holding the knife. “I can see your point. But don’t you think that now that you have your chance, revenge tastes stale and bitter and maybe just a tad unfulfilling?”

Merle cocked her head to the side, considering.

“No,” she said and drove the knife in.

Teaser Tuesday does all the body-dragging.

2010-06-01T07:32:00.001-06:00

“Why the fuck do I have to do all the body-dragging?”

“Because,” Raeyn said, “to put it into your words, we’ve fucked up. No, let me rephrase, you fucked up. And now man up and do your job.”

I wanted to strangle him. Him and his fucking princely airs who’d gotten the Redcoat to sneak up on him in the first place. And how did he thank me for saving his sorry royal ass by cutting the guy’s throat before he got the chance to call his buddies?

“Seriously surprises me that you haven’t stuck a Dumb Muscle label to my forehead yet.”

“You want one? Why didn’t you tell me so before?”

I growled something into Raeyn’s general direction as I dragged the dead weight of Redcoat with me through the rain. He was a heavy bastard, even with his heavy coat and uniform stripped off. Raeyn had put it on, not without his usual bitching and moaning about having to resort to cheap masquerade tricks because of me. I stopped listening after a while. ‘Sides, he had that long red leather coat to keep him dry in this gods-forsaken weather.

There were two benefits to the downpour that’d caught up on us. One, the rain washed away our tracks and on the riverside as we dumped the body and two, it chased away any random bystanders. Which were pretty unlikely anyway, given that we were in the middle of Low Side and no one would look at us twice for quietly getting rid of a dead Redcoat.

Only that most of Low Side had completely fucking lost it lately. The place’d been swarming with Redcoats for months now and things had gone down hard. People wouldn’t go out more than they absolutely had to with the curfew the Watch’d put into place and they kept arresting people left and right for whatever damn reason they could get. The Marché Noir had temporarily shut down. Business’d gone from shit to non-existent.

“A shame how low the Palace’s standards must have fallen if they let individuals like this one join the Watch,” Raeyn said and wrinkled his nose at the high collar of his coat. “This thing smells and look at the man. I bet he hasn’t even heard of what a close shave is.”

“Yeah, whatever. You’re just throwing a hissy fit, because you lost your hat because it wouldn’t go with your costume.”

“Am not.” Raeyn gave me a sour look and flicked a strand of wet, silvery hair out of his face. “Also, I have the best intentions of getting my hat back. Do you know how much one of those costs? With the kind of social riff-raff that skulks around here, we better hurry.”

I didn’t really give a shit about his royal head wear, but with the rest of what he said I was more than okay with.

“Here looks good enough to me,” I said and let go of the dead guy’s shoulders. The body flopped into the water with a soft, slurpy splash. It didn’t drift off right away and I gave it a shove with my right foot, just for good measure.

“You don’t even bother to weigh it down?” Raeyn asked. “Isn’t that, what would you call it, proper body-dumping etiquette?”

“Dieux, you’re kidding, right?”, I laughed, couldn’t help it really, soaking-wet and aching from dragging some dead-ass carcass all across town. Proper body-dumping etiquette. Bullshit. “Don’t they teach you anything at the Palace? You’d think this is your first time doing this kind of thing.”

The corner of Raeyn’s mouth twitched impatiently. “It may surprise you that not everyone relies on murder as their primary source of income.”

“Yeah, I forgot. You were born with a golden spoon. Up your ass.”

Raeyn snorted and turned around, busy at covering up our tracks in the soft sand of the riverside as we left. “Still, aren’t you worried that the Watch will find him?”

I shrugged and crouched down by the water to clean my bloody knife in the stream. “They’ll find him all right. They always do. Doesn’t really matter in the end. The river just gives us more time to get our asses back to where we belong – a good deal away from the body. That and the water will make sure they have a harder time finding out what the hell happened to the poor bastard. Ever seen a body that’s been in the water for a while?”

Raeyn made a face. “No. And I admit I do not particularly care to.”

“Good for you.” I stood up and wiped my knife on my pants. That’s why I didn’t do sharp and pointy things. Too bloody messy. I’d clean a gun over a gory knife any day. It was still wet when I shoved it back into its sheath under my jacket. Ares’d give me hell about how it’d get dull and rusty that way. Sure, he didn’t need the knife anymore now. Not with the kind of shit he could do with the Voyance. He’d probably be able to just vaporize the Redcoat in the river. Bye-bye evidence and all that. I chased the thought away. I hadn’t heard from Ares in over a year, didn’t even know where in the Seven Hells he was and it probably was for the best that way.

Yeah, right.

“Let’s get out of here,” I said when we’d covered up our tracks as best we could. The body had drifted off downriver and would be well out of range when the Redcoats found him. The rain would take care of the rest. “Don’t know about you, but I need a drink.” Or three.

Monday Takes A Peak Into My Writing Cave

2010-05-31T16:22:00.002-06:00

Seriously, I love my new place. Big desk, lots of whiteboards, lots of space for whiteboards (there are 5 of them, 4 for different aspects of EoL, one of SWG scribbles) and I'm even utilizing the space on the fridge next to my desk. The result, here:

I'm all about having an awesome writing cave. Whiteboards are wonderful. So are color-coded index cards and sticky notes. Part of them hold outlines, part of them (the yellow ones to the left) my favorite TV tropes. And one of my favorite things featured on my big writing board is a quote from Don Maas at this previous weekend's Backspace Writer's Conference "Is there a moment in your manuscript when your protagonist decides that the cost is too high to achieve his goal? That he wants to quit?" This has been a wonderful pointer for me and totally emulates the black moment in EMPIRE OF LIGHT.

So anyway, I'm an antisocial recluse, all couped up in my writing corner as I intend to achieve the following three goals in the month of June:

1.) Finish this draft of EoL (dun dun DUN! about 35k to go and if I keep this up I may just make it ;)) Also, Write or Die is my friend :D Although Nazca-cat hates it. She comes running and gives me the WTF?! Make it STOP! STUPID BIPED!!! - look whenever it goes off. So I better keep writing...
2.) Edit the parts that are still in Ares' PoV to form one shiny and cohesive draft, also include all the editing notes on the editing pointers whiteboard.
3.) Get this puppy send out to betas with the hope that it won't be too physically painful for any unsuspecting beta I may be able to ensnare/rope into reading ;)

Anyway, better get back to writing. That mid-book-climax is clamoring for attention ;)

P.S.: I'm also getting really stoked to start SLEEPING WITH GHOSTS a UF with a snarky bi-gender MC who likes to make money by scamming people (and also is able to communicate with the dead) and a zombified dragon slayer of the Germanic Nibelungen saga. Together Ash and Sig are going to rock out in a slightly whacky, slightly wild German/English UF crossover full of pathological liars, kick-ass women, creepy, vengeful witches and old gypsy curses ;)

Teaser Tuesday digs explosives

2010-05-25T08:13:00.000-06:00

Hey all, haven't posted one of those in a while so I figured it was about time for another Teaser. This one is pretty self-explanatory, from a chapter I just finished in which Raeyn and Damian are in some deep shit. Again.

As always there be swearing, but since this entire book is going to be told from Damian's PoV, you better get used to it ;)

Raeyn was handcuffed and stood on one of Taerien’s barstools that someone’d dragged outside with one of the dozen or so Redcoats surrounding him fastening a noose around his neck.

“About time someone put a leash on Taerien’s dog,” one of them snickered. The rope was slung around the lower branch of one of the trees lining Taerien’s front gate. Raeyn stood pale as death and unmoving as the Redcoat next to him tightened the rope.

“Any last words?” Now I recognized the guy. It was Jon fucking Sykes. Ares’ fuck buddy.

Raeyn’s face’d been set as stone, but now he gave Sykes that trademark arrogant smile of his as if he wasn’t barely able to stay upright, bleeding all over the place and about to get a first class ticket to the Redcoats’ favorite past time aside from Cleansing little girls.

“You know what they say: those you thought dead live forever.” Raeyn gave him his most brilliant smile, his eyes sparking purple fire. “Also, tell my father I will see him soon. In hell.”

Sykes kicked the stool from under Raeyn’s feet.

I was already down and off that tree in time to hear the rope snap tight, hoping that it wasn’t the snap of Raeyn’s neck. I didn’t see him gasp for breath as he choked, feet kicking, eyes rolling back in his head. I didn’t need to. They all did. For the moment my full attention was set on getting the fuck back to the hover. I had an idea. It was fucking stupid and slightly suicidal, but that was how this kind of spur of the moment-thing usually went down. Either way I’d better hurry before it was too late.

I’d minutes at best. Raeyn better hold on that long.

I almost tripped as I made it back to the hover, cursing as I busted my knee on the toolbox in the back. There I found just what I needed to cause one hell of a distraction.

“Jay, you’re a fucking genius.” Seriously, I loved our techie at that moment. Trust her to pack explosives – and more importantly duct tape – into the hover, just in case.

Man, she’d be pissed.

I’d worry about her later. Now, I grabbed a few of the TATP bombs Jay considered fit to take on random runs out of their stabilizing containers. Yeah, there were safer, less volatile substances that’d do the job, but acetone peroxide was your explosive of choice if you wanted to make things go boom fast. Just needed to know how to use it properly. Ever tried to just shoot at a gas tank? All that’ll do is make the gas leak out. Tape a few bags of acetone peroxide to your gas tanks - different story.

Say anything about being well equipped, say duct tape is the solution to all your troubles. Damn handy to tie someone up or tape explosives to your hover’s gas tanks.

Also, the hover’s autopilot better not take a dump on me today. Blowing myself up at random just wouldn’t do.

“All right then. Let’s do this,” I said and started up the hover. It whirred to life and gunned the gas pedal, pointing the autopilot to get the thing straight through Taerien’s gate. Good thing it was blown open wide already.

Thanks, Redcoats, for making my job easier.

As for jumping out of a hover at full speed, I don’t suggest anyone try it. There’s just no good way of full-on hitting asphalt. Hurts like a motherfucker, strategic falls, my ass.

Ignoring the ten thousand or so tiny rocks ground up into the skin of my hands, face and entire left side seemed like a good idea. I’d have to fucking kick things up a notch anyway to get a good aim at the hover.

Scrabbling in the dirt of the road, I finally got my feet under me. Too late.

“Ah, fuck it all,” I snarled and fired. Once. Twice.

The Damian Approach To Plot

2010-05-23T01:32:00.000-06:00

Got an idea, but no plot? Then, go apply The Damian Approach:

Hunt down the plot, preferably in a dark alley, knock it out, tie it to a chair and make it talk at gunpoint. Alternatively, just show it The Goods (read: torture instruments, not whatever you might be thinking :p) and it'll be meek and docile as a lamb.

Don't believe me?

Try it, it works.

Honest.

And Here We Go Again - The Ruthless Revamp Returns!

2010-05-18T21:36:00.000-06:00

Seriously what is this with me and doing major revamps of my novel always around chapter 13? Last time it was a back and forth between medieval and futuristic fantasy along with PoV changes, this time it's me taking an idea that my friend Parametric rekindled and I've decided to run with it: writing this entire thing from Damian's PoV. Because, let's face it, Ares' PoV just isn't "it" and Damian is so much more fun to write and actually drives things forward.

Because honestly, who can say no to snark, violence and my favorite trigger-happy assassin with anger issues?

Now the real challenge lies in restructuring the Ares chapters that I already have to fit into the Damian PoV, while incurring minimal cuts and a potential for further subplots and a more action-driven narrative including more supporting characters. Also, this way Ares will come off as much more creepy, dubious and villainy - fun times for me.

And yes, I am officially done yanking my hair out and yelling at my computer. No, not even contemplating heavy drinking anymore. Okay, maybe a little heavy drinking?

Oh well, such is writing life.

And on a finishing note: God is a writer. Check out last week's season finale of SUPERNATURAL if you don't believe me. This show definitely has a spot within my favorites. Love, love, love it :)

I am the Unloved Step-Child

2010-05-03T18:05:00.000-06:00

I'm slightly perplexed and bemused about how much easier chapters with Damian's PoV come together than Ares' do. Wondering if it's just Damian's badassery, his voice, the fact that his chapters are much more action-driven than Ares' or what? I mean I love Ares, but writing his PoV sometimes feels like pulling teeth. Which in turn makes me fret about how intriguing/sympathetic Ares is a main character. But then again he is pretty awesome and badass on his own, so why am I having such a hard time with him while a lot of people tell me how much they love Damian and Raeyn?

Any thoughts on this? Is this normal? Am I doing something wrong? Does this happen to you?

Yeah, I'm fretting.

*twitchy hands go for the Jade-Colored-Glasses*

Return of the Jade-Colored Glasses

2010-04-28T20:28:00.000-06:00

Seriously, I thought I'd lost my pair of jade-colored glasses, but oh no, here they are again and I'm looking at my WIP through a jade tint...Not good, folks, not good at all. There are three reasons why I'm fretting right now:

1.) So now that my semester is over and I merely spent 10 hours a day at work, I should have more time to sit down, get my ass into gear and write this thing, right? No. Because in the ever-changing life of Dys I've had the questionably brilliant idea to move again. Don't get me wrong, I love to move to new places, am practically a nomad as is, but this whole moving business seriously is distracting me from writing. Meaning that between painting, moving furniture and living in total chaos I'm probably not going to make my self-imposed deadline at the end of May. I know, it really doesn't matter and shouldn't upset me, but it does. Blame chronic neuroses and irrationality.

2.) Superglued at my heels the question: Does this whole book make sense? Will readers be sympathetic towards protagonist A or merely think he's a stubborn, stupid idiot and I'm completely failing at creating sympathy/affection for this character?

Which in turn brings us to

3.) Who the fuck am I kidding? The execution of this book is less than poor, characterization and plot are sketchy, either leaving out or dumping backstory onto the reader. Chapters flow poorly and let's not even talk about the nightmare of transitions.

Bottom line: This sucks.

The Wondrous Outlining Powers of the Excel Spreadsheet

2010-04-26T20:19:00.002-06:00

So, writing felt like a haggled train of half-starved PoWs drudging through three feet of snow and ice (We shall not use the W.B.-word here ;))

As an alternative to wallowing in self-depreciation and creative despair, I decided to not let a perfectly fine Monday go to waste and spent some one-on-one time with my dear old excel spreadsheet instead....

And a few hours later I'm not only basking in the fuzzy glow of instant gratification and self-validation as I marvel at my wondrous outlining skills, but also the worry-free guaranty of definitely hitting the projected 80k word count for this novel. So far I have only applied this particular outlining technique to part 2 of EMPIRE OF LIGHT, mainly because I wanted to get on with the story and no spend too much time recapping the outline of scenes already done, but part 1 and 3 are soon to be added to this.

Either way, right now my monstrous outline spreadsheet consists of about seven million columns (almost ;)) such as chapter number, PoV, plot, supporting cast, setting, time of day, worldbuilding, backstory and key lines (oh and I have enough conflict going on to warrant a special column just for all the shit that's blowing up in this novel - physically and emotionally that is). So right now, I've learned three interesting things:

1.) Most of my plot happens at night. Kind of ironic if the title is EMPIRE OF LIGHT, isn't it? Well, it fits my purposes.
2.) Why hello there, surprise supporting character! I don't believe I've met you yet. So glad you popped in to join the party.
3.) This novel is packed as far as plotlines, charactes, conflict etc. goes. I'd be fucking lost without an outline.

Oh and did I mention that the pat few hours of Spreadsheet Extravaganza have totally cured me from the curse of Writer's Block (excuse my French)?

Yeah, outlining is just that awesome :p

And my friend Writing Demons along with some other writer friends of mine who abhor outlines were probably sent into fits of acute apoplexy reading this. Sorry guys, I know this isn't for everyone, but for me it's a thing of genius!

Credits also go to fellow outline-nazi (and currently awful tease) parametric ;)

Monday Musings about Self-Imposed Deadlines, Titles, Edits and Aweseome Things Writer Friends Say

2010-04-26T14:40:00.000-06:00

Monday Musings come to you in form of a list. Because I'm under-caffeinated and as of yet un-showered (no I don't stink and no, I'm not looking like I've butchered something anymore as I did after yesterday's Red Paint Extravaganza at the German Ex-Pat House). Anyway, without further ado, some things that are on my mind today.

1.) First off, I want to thank everyone for their hand-holding efforts and great suggestions as I've finally decided on the title EMPIRE OF LIGHT for my WIP. You folks from AW are priceless!

2.) The clock's ticking. I've officially thrown myself into the gutter with my friend Writing Demons as we wrestle to finish our respective WIPs by the end of May, which in combination with -

3.) Self-editing and outlining rocks! Yes, it takes time, but it makes your drafts so much tighter, more concise and overall higher in quality, definitely worth it. And -

4.) ohmygodihavewaytoomanybooksandcraptopackandgetmovedtomynewplacebytheendofmay results in -

5.) in which I shall quote Writing Demons telling me "You're crazy. That's probably why your writing is so good. You're fucking crazy." Um, yes, I do love the fountain of love and encouragement that are my writer friends ;)

Anyway, off I am to shower (I know, I know), pack more boxes (I'm getting a fucking Kindle, folks.) and write more (Now I'm wondering whether the red paint that I used to paint my living room yesterday is in fact the blood and sweat that went into this novel...)

Oh and I hope you like my new theme. I heart the dystopian.

Anyway, Dystophil out.

Return to the Land of Title Woes.

2010-04-23T18:49:00.000-06:00

This seriously feel like the Neverending Story of Title Woes...

So, I've recently come up with a new title for my current WIP, deciding to re-name it THE PRODIGALS and I like it...

But fact is that this WIP has been unofficially sticking around under the working title LIGHT for the four years that I've been working on it, so I'm having considerable issues adapting to the new one. Anyway, now that I'm actually pondering the possibility of a sequel to this with the tentative title KING OF COWARDS, I'm more tending towards sticking with my initial idea and merely naming this novel EMPIRE OF LIGHT.

Just worried that it's a little bit too generic/unimaginative, but we're talking dystopian fantasy here where the setting and worldbuilding are actually quite essential to the story...

But yeah, naming the first book EMPIRE OF LIGHT and the sequel KING OF COWARDS would establish a cool title pattern. Any thoughts? Or am I confusing everyone else along with myself?

When a book has you yelling at it - In the Good Way

2010-04-22T18:21:00.000-06:00

Okay, to most of you it shouldn't be news that I'm a huge fan of Jim Butcher's THE DRESDEN FILES series. But the latest installment CHANGES definitely did well by its name: Not only did it top off the rest of the series as far as sheer badassery and action-driven plot is concerned (oh and the fact that with book 12 Jim Butcher seems to have broken away from his two-word-titles), but overall the series has taken a much darker turn - of which I wholeheartedly approve!

But I'm digressing, because no, I don't want to write a review of this book, others already have and they probably did a much better job at it than I ever could. And YES, the cliffhanger-ending was the reason that I was yelling at the book loudly enough to concern my neighbors (Thank you for your concern, Tim, but I am quite alright other than wanting the next book NOW!).

Anyway, reading the DRESDEN FILES and CHANGES in particular from a writer's point of view, I couldn't help but wonder at what makes this series into what it is and why even after 12 books we're not only not getting tired of it yet, but it keeps getting better and better. And among other things that put this series ahead of many others in urban fantasy in particular, there's one in particular:

The Big Picture Idea: Frankly, back when I started STORM FRONT, the first book in the series, I thought Okay, yeah, I like Harry, love his sarcasm, like the whole contemporary wizard idea", but it didn't blow me away. It was only as I kept going and got to the end of book three GRAVE PERIL that I found myself utterly hooked. Why? Because unlike many other urban fantasy series that I've read, THE DRESDEN FILES does not stay sectioned off in single "case file" books, but there is a bigger picture and I'm not just talking about an overall plot, but moreover about an overall plot that keeps expanding with every book adding to it. While some plot threads get resolved, there is always more to it, last but not least a huge, perpetually growing character cast.

The way supporting characters and plotlines not only recur, but grow and change on their own accounts is in my opinion one of THE DRESDEN FILES' largest assets. And this starts with seemingly minor characters like Harry's cat Mister or his dog Mouse (How awesome was Mouse in CHANGES? Loved it!) and certain quirky things like the Blue Beetle or Bob that give the books their own touch and set them apart from the rest. At the bottom line there is a lot of detail and last but not least a truckload of snark in THE DRESDEN FILES that makes me as a reader really care, because nothing is static and things keep on moving and changing around, which the result that you can't put the book away until its done, only to then resort to clamoring for the next installment.

I know I have been far from the only person yelling about CHANGES and we all get the gist that something big is going to come. Or bigger that is, but unlike a lot of other series, nothing in THE DRESDEN FILES comes without a price, so I for one am really stoked about how this is going to pan out for Harry Dresden and the gang. Definitely looking forward for more fast-paced badassery of the snarky kind!

Identity Crisis Revisited - Writing In Your Second Language.

2010-04-07T19:43:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I'm looking at my writing and I just can't help but wonder, why the hell I'm doing this. Not that having been obsessed with one and the same project for close to four years isn't pathetic enough, but no, no. I also am drudging my way through drafts and drafts in a language that I haven't grown up with. Yes, I think - or maybe I'm just delusional or prone to perk under the goodwill and praise of others - that I'm mostly doing an acceptable, occasionally even good job at it, but the question as to why I'm writing in English and not in German, which really should be easier for me, remains.

So why?

Something that my mother mentioned to me the other day was "if you ever get published, I won't be able to read your book." I replied that that's what foreign rights are for and if need be I could even translate my writing, never mind that I've tried to summarize LIGHT in German once and utterly failed. But still, technically I could do it. I probably won't though, which has more to do with me refusing friends and family to read anything I'm writing before it's absolutely polished, but still, the possibility is there.

And yet, I've decided to write in English and even though I'm sometimes doubting my own rationality in this, the easiest argument to explain why I'm doing this is probably because most of the fantasy and science fiction that I've been reading was stuff orginally written in English and so I'm just conditioned to English SFF.

But that still isn't quite it. Maybe it has to do with me emigrating and becoming increasingly Americanized, but there is the point when you get distanced enough from the language you have called your "native language" for your entire life, that you even start to think and to dream in this new language. For me it's the same way with writing. I think in English, thus I write in English. To write in anything but English by now sounds abstract or even absurd to me, because there are things that I wouldn't even know how to do in any other language. Take Damian's voice for example. It's so infused with English slang and diction that I can't even begin to try and translate it into German. Sure, I'd get the gist of it eventually, but it still would be hard and take a while.

The same thing applies whenever I go "home" to Germany, which by now has become this country that in a way will always be my home and yet isn't anymore. Just as the first novella that I've ever written was naturally in German, but now I couldn't really go back to completely writing in German. That said, my new WIP, which I'll launch once this draft of LIGHT is done - if it doesn't kill me before - will definitely have some German influences. Which maybe has to do with the fact that lately I've read some good German books that inspired me in a way.

I'm sure that's not the first nor the last of my countless rambles about my identity crisis that is both torn between the U.S. and Germany in real as well as in my writing life. We'll see where it leads and in the end I can only hope that I'm not doing a too atrocious job at hacking myself through this novel without sounding pretentious, or worse, pathetic in a language that isn't mine and yet is. Anyone else lost, but me? :p

Favorite Lines, or Why this Draft is Full of Win

2010-03-07T21:30:00.003-07:00

Yes, so far this draft of LIGHT is still whispering sweet (if occasionally violent) nothings to me and someone recently asked me what my favorite line so far was. So, here's the list:

I'm sure it's pretty unanimous that the top three lines go to Damian:

1.) Great, now I’m getting checked out by the fucking Prince who’s mysteriously risen from the fucking dead.

2.) Just in case it's slipped past you, but homophobia's fucking dead.

3.) Well, I always wanted to go out with "Fuck You", but whatever.

And here's to Ares' issues:

1.) “So what? You just want me to walk away and let her fuck you?”

“Yes. That is exactly what I want you to do,” I said acidly and after a second I added. “Please.”

2.) "You seemed rather preoccupied with dying at the time, if I remember correctly.” (Technically this one's Orion's, but anyway.)

3.) "I don't suppose my prepossessing personality will keep you from it."

Favorite chapter so far? Chapter 7, which is very accurately titled Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang and full of Raeyn & Damian awesomeness. Probably the one I've had the most fun with so far, especially with passages like this:

“I’m here because I need some information.”
“And you are doing a horrible job at that, don’t you think, darling?” a familiar voice asked, with a mocking lilt to it. Before I even recognized the black trenchcoat and gray fedora, Raeyn scooted onto a stool next to me, slipping an arm around my shoulder, cool fingers brushing against the nape of my neck.
Definitely getting way too close, way too fast. I stiffened, wanted to pull away and punch him in the face.
“What the fuck are you doing here?”
“Oh is that how you greet me nowadays? You wound me, darling.” Raeyn’s expression shifted into something like disappointment. I’d almost have bought it myself.
Coras’ face twisted in disgust and he looked away, suddenly very busy with the dirty dishwater that filled the sink behind the bar. Raeyn used that moment to lean forward, towards me, his lips suddenly way closer to my ear than I’d ever want them to be. I flinched when they actually brushed against my neck.
What. The. Fuck.
“Listen. Watch. All over the place. Play along or you’re dead,” he whispered and abruptly had all of my attention. As if on command, I caught a glimpse of a red coat in the corner of my eye that I was pretty damn sure hadn’t been there a second ago. One Redcoat was leaning by the door, casually smoking a cigarette, another one was waiting outside. Only now I recognized that some of the low lives in the bar crowd that I’d thought I’d known before, I did know, but not from the bar scene. Ah, fuck.
“Shit.”
“Indeed,” Raeyn’s voice was a low purr. He rested his head on my shoulder, his right hand trailed across my chest in a lazy, languid motion while his arm around my shoulder drew me close. And he kissed me. Mouth and lips and tongue and all. He tasted minty.
Bloody fucking Gods.
I jerked back.
“What the fuck--?”
He didn’t let go, muzzled my neck instead, his hand casually stroking my thigh.
“Trust me, I like it as little as you do,” he hissed, “Ease up a little, would you? Unless you prefer to keep up your prudishness and let it get you killed. Now come with me.” His voice got a little louder and twice as insinuating with that. He’d wanted Coras to hear the end and lazily curled his hand around my belt buckle, dragged me with him as he slid off the chair.
I swallowed a curse. Then went after him, even managed to slide an arm around his waist. It creeped the fuck out of me. Even Ares knew I didn’t do public touchy-feely, least of all with a batshit crazy Prince. But I also didn’t want to die. So there.

Least favorite chapter? Along with some of the Ares stuff that needs serious polishing, probably the opening chapter, simply because I have rewritten it. so. many. times. Seriously, I'm getting sick of it.

Anyway, I'm only a little over one fourth into this draft and better stuff is yet to come and I intend to have a lot more fun with this one.

Also, I wanted to thank my friends Becca and Caitlin for giving me this award:

You both rock and thank you :D

P.S.: The "fake" cover for LIGHT is by the fabulous Gretchen McNeil (Thanks, Blond, you rock :D) Now I just need to learn the first thing about making videos so I can make a book trailer...anyone help me out with this? (I'm an eager little grasshopper ;))

Making it through the list - Books read in 2010 (so far)

2010-03-02T20:16:00.001-07:00

Remember that Read 100 books in 2010 challenge I entered at the beginning of this year? I think so far I'm cruising along quite smoothly given that it's only the beginning of March. Here's what I've read so far (more or less in order):

Richard Morgan - Broken Angels (yay Richard Morgan)
Chris Wooding - Retribution Falls (I'd have utterly loved this if it wasn't such a Firefly rip-off. Still enjoyed it though)
Tanya Huff - Blood Price (and we're in for some light vamp stories. Though some of the characters and the LGBT aspects were entertaining. The tv series is awful btw.)
Tanya Huff - Blood Trail
Tanya Huff - Blood Lines
Tanya Huff - Blood Pact
Tanya Huff - Blood Debt
Tanya Huff - Smoke and Shadows (Some more (very light) LGBT stuff)
Jordan Castillo Price - Psycop (OMG can't believe I'm actually admitting to this, but this was among the worst self-published junk I've ever read and I merely picked it up because of the horrible, horrible blurb...let's just say it made me laugh)
Manna Francis - Mind Fuck (These books - although POD - are the shit. Love her characters, love the psychology. And um, yeah lots of BDSM sex so nothing for the YA audience here.)
Manna Francis - Quid Pro Quo
Manna Francis - Games and Players
Manna Francis - Control
Manna Francis - Quis Custodiet
Jill Myles - Gentelmen Prefer Succubi (No, I usually don't venture into the romance section of B&N, but this was an exception. The belly-button sweat on the cover-model is frankly terrifying, but the books themselves are very entertaining)
Jill Myles - Succubi Like it Hot

And on the more serious/literary side?

Carol Lynn Pearson - Good-bye, I love you. (Wow. This book. Totally captures the "Utah feel" as far as homosexuality is concerned. Even though it was written 25 years ago, the issue is still the same. Sadly. This book made me cry and is the one book that I'm going to give to a lot of my English-speaking LGBT friends. Just make sure you have an hour or so when nobody can see you when you're done reading it. Especially if you're like me and don't cry in front of people...hm, yeah. Wonderfully sad.)
Carol Lynn Pearson - No More Goodbyes. (The collection of personal stories/acquaintances after "Good-bye, I love you" was published. You think this book will make you cry less? Think again. My respect for this particular woman is immense.)

Literature/Fiction

Sholem Aleichem - Tevye the Dairyman (i.e. Fiddler on the Roof - awesome :))
Alexandr Solzhenitsyn - The Gulag Archipelago (Yes, I had to look up how to spell his name. Very dark, depressing Russian literature)
Henrik Ibsen - Four Plays (Love how he's calling himself 'not a feminist')
Voltaire - Candide (And all this in the "best of all possible worlds" loved it. But then I always love satire :))
Sarah Waters - Fingersmith (Hmmm LGBT literature. Love the powerful prose and wonderful story-telling and have the rest of her books on the list)

Anyway that's 22 down, 78 to go if I'm not mistaken? 2010 reading challenge, I've got you by the balls ;)

Teaser Tuesday goes out with a "Fuck You."

2010-03-02T08:13:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone!

Wasn't sure whether to post a snip today or not, but then decided to go with my gut and post something from the latest chapter I have written. This one follows just a little bit after last week's teaser. Hope you're not getting tired of LIGHT yet, because I'm not going to start on the new SNI until this draft is finished. So please, bear with me :)

Damian

“Look,” I hissed between punches trying to keep a fucking grip on things. “Can we speed this up and get to the point? Yeah, I fucked you over. So what the fuck do you want me to do about it?”

Valyr’s mouth twisted into a thin smile that so wasn’t like Ares at all. “Leave us, Dahlia.”

Laras opened her mouth as if to say something, her right fist already clenched for the next upper right aimed at my face, but she’d thought better of it and just turned around and walked out of the room.

I’ll give them one thing, Redcoats were fucking drilled to obey orders. That left me with Valyr and four of her goons hovering in the background by the doors to make sure I didn’t off their precious Commander-bitch. Never mind that I was cuffed to a chair and bleeding all over the place.

“Now then, let’s get to the point, shall we?” Valyr said, her voice low. “Where is he?”

“Where’s who?”

My mouth filled with blood and I thought I blacked out for a second when she smacked my head into the wall behind me. The chair toppled over and my left side crashed into the ground. It didn’t even leave me enough breath to scream when my shoulder hit the ground.

“You know exactly who I mean, Cain. Where is my son?”

“Fuck you, Valyr,” I said and spat blood on the cold concrete floor. “He’s stopped being your fucking son a long while ago. You’ll get nothing from me.”

“Are you sure?” Valyr said, yanking my head with one hand clenched in my hair and giving me the evil eye. With the other, she pointed her gun at me and clicked off the safety. Now we’re talking.

I laughed, or maybe just covered a cough and bared my teeth at her in a bloody smile. “Go right ahead, Valyr. That’s what you and that batshit-crazy Prince of yours’ve been up to all along anyway. So do me a fucking favor and don’t do the same half-ass job that he did, ‘kay?”

That seemed to catch her off guard, for whatever reason. Valyr stared at me as if I’d started babbling in some language that she didn’t understand. “Raeyn is alive?”

Well, shit. Wasn’t anyone keeping track anymore? “Um. Last time I checked.”

“Raeyn Nymeron died years ago.”

“You’ve no idea how I wish he’d fucking done just that.”

“You are a Light-forsaken liar, Cain,” she said, still pointing her piece at me. So glad we’re back on track. Really.

“I would ask you if you had any famous last words, but I prefer that we cut the theatrics, don’t you think?”

“Well, I always wanted to go out with “Fuck you”, but whatever,” I said through my teeth and watched her pull the trigger.

A Note to Writer Brain

2010-03-01T16:08:00.000-07:00

Dear Writer Brain,

you are awesome and my love for you knows no bounds lately. You are full of awesome productivity, intriguing characters, fast-paced plot and snarky dialogue and even aim to make structural sense as of late.

However, please think of Writer Body who is indeed in need of such mundane things as food and sleep at times. Yes, I know, caffeine and chocolate are wonderful, but at some point those fast-typing hands get really shaky and Writer Body feels herself compelled to go on a violent strike and completely refuses cooperation. And you do remember who has to pay for the internet connection that you love to procrastinate on or the caffeine that keeps you going up into the ungodly hours of the night/day/whatever it is.

The same counts for Student Brain. I know, Student Brain is your unloved, ugly step-sister and should rely on its inherent brilliance alone, but sometimes, just sometimes Student Brain needs some room for things like studying and paper-writing so the Writing Playlist really can't be jamming in the background. I'm sure you'll understand my appeal on good neighborhood, dont' you?

Also, keep the guns unloaded and don't play with them. It makes your roomies nervous.

Thank you for your understanding,

Yours,
Me

So I'm not made of total fail after all...

2010-02-28T13:40:00.001-07:00

...or at least I would hope so. Anyway, as many of you might (or might not) have noticed, I've been slacking off on the blogging lately (need to change that, seriously). Thanks to Caitlin for giving me a blog award, despite my apparent slackitude :D

Anyway, I just felt prompted to say a few things about my new SNI (Shiny New Idea) SLEEPING WITH GHOSTS which - once this draft of LIGHT is complete and ready to be torn to shreds by betas (still looking for more btw) - will be my next project, a gritty YA urban fantasy. The YA will definitely be new for me.

The more I'm starting to jot down notes on this, the more stoked I'm becoming to get this puppy started (must. finish. LIGHT. :p) and the best part about it is: It eliminates that One Hit Wonder feeling that I've been having for the longest time...well sans the Wonder. Authorial One Hit Wonder Syndrome as I lovingly referred to it is triggered by this one idea, this one novel that sticks in your head and refuses to die. And while doing so leaves virtually no room for any other ideas to evolve.

Apparently LIGHT learned it's lesson and moved over to make some space for its new roomie SLEEPING WITH GHOSTS, a project that was born out of some (rather whacky) dreams I had about having conversations with my friend Janna who died in a car accident back in 2005. For some weird reason the whole idea of being able to talk to the dead in your dreams along with some people's firm belief in ghosts, or as my new shiny MC Ash refers to it as the "batshit-crazy leakage of the Afterlife" kind of took root and see what happened?

Anyway, by now we have Ash, the, snarky bi-gender MC of my new WIP as well as Rhys, a zombie (not of the brain-eating variety) who will be my attempt to fill the niche of Zombie the Character. I'm kind of tired of the I-Am-Legend-brain-eating-zombies and would like to see the fully realized Zombie character as reanimated corpse, who's kind of stuck in between worlds and isn't overly fond of his lack of life and ordinary bodily functions. He also hates horror movies and romance novels.

Anyway, that's Ash and Rhys for you in a UF setting, getting tangled up in a plot that has somewhat to do with clusterfuckery and scams, but to find out the details behind that I first must hunt down said plot, tie it to a chair and threaten it at gun-point to make it talk.

Something interesting I learned in the whole process of developing a SNI:

1.) Filling niches is full of win! and
2.) Just randomly start jotting down notes and talk to writer friends, you'll be amazed what will come out of it.

I have a good feeling about this oh and before I forget:

Dear LIGHT,

Say hello to your new roomie SLEEPING WITH GHOSTS and SHARE the author brain.

Thanks,

Your Author

Teaser Tuesday is a mess.

2010-02-23T08:55:00.001-07:00

Hello and good morning everyone!

It's Tuesday and I'm going to post another Damian snip, because I've been having a lot of fun with this chapter and because it sort of continues last week's teaser.I left out some fun bits, but the end result is pretty obvious - Damian gets caught by his old employer. Who is pissed off because Damian has been a cheeky little bastard and turned sides on her.

Also, no, he does not handle pain particularly gracefully.

The usual warnings about gratuitous violence and f-bombs apply :)

Enjoy!

*SNIP!*

Thanks for the comments everyone! You rock :D

A Note of Nostalgia

2010-02-21T23:10:00.000-07:00

My wonderful friend and critique partner parametric's blogpost about her writing experience, just triggered some interesting - and strangely nostalgic - thoughts on how writing has influenced my life. I know it sounds totally cheesy, but it's very true in my case and here's a quick recap why.

As most of you know, English isn't my first language and even though I'd started learning it in school from a very early age, it was reading - and writing - that really got me into English and is probably largely responsible for how (hopefully) proficient I am in English today. But other than that, what has writing gotten me? Let's see.

Back in 2004 I first started to really write in English. As in stories, and role plays. I learned a lot about characters, fangirly-ness (yay for tons of rule breaking and ripping off Robert Jordan, George R. R. Martin and Scott Lynch to ensue...)

Also I met a lot of great people. Like para and the rest of those "crazy Brit friends of mine who I'd met on the internet"

Oh and I did meet my (now) ex-husband through a roleplaying/writing site. Completely incidental. Also, a relationship completely doomed to fail. But it got me out of Germany and into the middle of Mormon Utah...crazy how things turn out

In 2006, back then still in Germany I the rough idea of LIGHT first came up, a failed attempt at NaNoWriMo ensued and stalled at 15,000 words and dealing with a MC who's too clinically insane to carry the burden of protagonist-dom.

In 2007, now newly married and immigrated to the U.S. I knock out the 50,000 words for NaNoWriMo in 2 weeks. Also I am to finish the first draft of Light some by may 2008. I end up roping people into actually reading the sheer horribleness that is the first draft of LIGHT

Also, during NaNoWriMo I meet Jen, also known as Writing Demons who still is my closest friend around here

Between long creative breaks aka streaks of despair the second draft of LIGHT is written - or at least started - and discarded again. Meanwhile I meet more writers, some of them still very dear friends. And I read. And learn more about writing. And plotting. And characterization. And what makes a good and a bad novel.

And now? I'm still in the U.S. and I'm still writing. Or writing again. On the road to this third draft which keeps whispering words of endearment and gratuitous sex and violence to me there are many friends and even more experiences that probably wouldn't have happened the way they did if I hadn't started writing back then. And stuck to it.

Kind of an interesting thought that. It's definitely been an interesting ride and we'll see where it goes from here :)

Teaser Tuesday - Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang

2010-02-16T08:43:00.003-07:00

And another week goes by without anything but Teaser Tuesdays to blog about - or maybe I'm just too caught up in the WIP right now =P This scene is from a chapter I just barely finished, featuring Damian, who is at least making a valiant attempt to do the job Taerien roped him into doing in last week's teaser and Raeyn, who's being...well, Raeyn. Thus pissing Damian off. Of course. Anyway, enjoy :)

EDIT: I always forget to post warnings in regards to violence and profanity here, but let's be honest, you guys already know that the f-bomb salves are coming when I'm announcing a Damian post, don't you?

*snipped*

Thanks for commenting everyone! Oh and drop me an email or PM if you're interesting in beta-reading any of this :D

Other Teasers: Firedrake, vroth, Geek Pride, Inkspatters, Lynkay, KC36, Vero, Mad Hatter, Rachel, Elysium, Kyrie ...

Teaser Tuesday - Damian gets played.

2010-02-09T07:52:00.002-07:00

Hi again,

for those of you who have been following my teasers, this piece follows after this teaser and this teaser in chapter 3 of my WIP LIGHT and features Damian who has just been beaten, thrown into a river and met a pissed-off Prince who seems to have some uncanny interest in him. Meet the pissed-off Prince's employer Mael Taerien, a cheery individual with a business proposal for Damian. The kind he can't weasel his way out of, also the kind that'll probably get him killed.

*snipped*

Thanks for commenting everyone!

Teaser Tuesday - Ares Has Issues

2010-02-02T07:55:00.006-07:00

Oh look it's Tuesday again and this time I decided to take a break from the usual violence, sex and various combinations thereof and post a more quiet moment, a snippet from the chapter 6 which I just finished rewriting, happening shortly after last Tuesday's teaser. Hopefully the lengthy character description won't bore you out of your mind, was kind of aiming for an "aww"-effect here and trying to tap further into Ares' innner conflict, but I might have failed horribly. Anyway, no violence, no cursing, no sex this time! O.o Something must be wrong with me! Invasion of the Body Snatchers? Maybe.

*snipped*

Thanks for commenting everyone! Oh and drop me an email or PM if you're interesting in beta-reading any of this :D

Other Teasers:
inkwench
Firedrake
JennW
Sunshine
kbridges
Parametric
And more as I go. First off, to bed though. Working nights sucks sometimes...

ETA: Thanks Sue, I didn't notice that I screwed up the formatting there. It's originally broken up, but blogger doesn't like my formatting. Anyway, thanks everyone and off to bed for me for now. More reading and commenting later :)

Brief Moment of Awesome.

2010-02-01T17:03:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to drop a note saying that I finally got this scene that had been simmering on the back burner for what seems like for-fucking-ever out of my system and it didn't turn out half bad. That said I'll probably bleed all over it again by tomorrow editing the hell out of it, but hey we have sex, violence and tattoo references, what is there not to like? Also, I'm lingering in my delusion that I'm maybe, maybe not completely made of fail.

I'll enjoy the lingering for now, because it won't last long.

Writing Caves, Outline Boards and Kitties!

2010-02-01T10:42:00.001-07:00

Last week, the wonderful YA Rebels posted about their writing caves and since I didn't really have a lot of time on my hand, I'm finally catching up with this topic - and pictures!

So, where do I write? Mostly in my (teeny tiny)apartment, you could also call it a den... Since it's pretty much a one-bedroom, quasi-studio there really aren't that many different places to write here, but I mostly write on my desk,surrounded by books...more books (the math book in the pic is bad karma btw...)...caffeine...candles...oh and did I mention my shiny outline board yet?Yes, the one in the back by the window that's all pink and orange and green and yellow? I love it. Apparently four years of writing the Bloody Novel That Will Never End have taught me a thing or two about outlining. That and color-coded index cards are your best friend :)

There's another tiny whiteboard by the outline board that I usually use for chapter outlines or just to write down some things I don't want to forget to mention. Right now it's actually not empty like in the picture, but that's because when I took it I was just in the revising stage and hadn't scribbled anything on it yet... Also RIP to my betas Ai and Estraven whom I accidentally (really!) killed by throwing them into too cold water... Yeah I'm an idiot and hopfully this is not an indication as to how the beta-version of Light will be received... Still feeling sorry about the poor beta-fishies, but at least I didn't feed them to the kitties who were really intent on eating them...

Anyway, moving on to less gruesome tales of beta-death and throwing readers into cold water... This is another of my favorite corners at my place: the love sac (to non-Americans or people who've never heard of that particular brand: it's a bean bag chair. Not near as dirty as the name makes it sound, but super, super comfy). This thing is like a nest and I usually like to cuddle up on it with my laptop, a cup of tea and a kitty as well, because they're the only ones who are allowed to look over my shoulder when I write...apparently I have that particular Don't look at me while I write! - fetish as well. Just doesn't work that way.

If you haven't noticed yet, my apartment is very, very red, stashed with books and populated by two absolutely adorable kitties, Nazca and Loki who sometimes like to "help" me and put in their own "edits" to my chapters...CTRL+S is my best friend before I leave the desk - and the keyboard - to the encroaching felines.

Also, when writing there are usually a few things I need around, apart from the rampant array of whitboards, my notebook, note cards (can you see a pattern here?) I usually have a cup of coffee or tea on my desk (which I also have to save from the cats from time to time - they're shameless and absolutely intolerable when caffeinated...) So that brings me to my third and final favorite place to write: my favorite coffee shop. Although I mentioned before, I do have issues with having people around when writing, the coffee shop is an exception. If that is because it has a big red couch, or if it's because there are people around, but they usually don't look right over my shoulder, I'm not sure. Fact is that for me, as I'm sure for most other writers, writing is kind of a solitary thing. I love to hang out and talk to people about my writing and I absolutely cherish my few select betas and critique partners, but overall people just don't get to see what I write until it's in a stage in which I deem it worth reading. Until then...what happens on the lovesac stays on the lovesac...or saved on my laptop. Whatever. Anyway, that's my ramble about where I love to write, obsessive-compulsive behavior involving colored index cards and sticky notes...and kitties!

Cheers!

Spreading the Love...

2010-01-29T21:21:00.000-07:00

So this is all 'Let's go defeat the Evil Empire today'? - Oh fuck no.

I think that about sums up my characters' reactions to my application of Holly Lisle's One Pass Revision Method (you might have read Parametric's post on it as well). And now that I've finally had some time to plop down and work on it, I have to say it's definitely giving you some good prompts to work with and applying the discovery steps on my WIP Light (or: The Novel That Will Never End...seriously, after nearly four years it feels this way...) was surprisingly easy and painless.

Just had one of these days when I felt that I would be stuck smoldering in Editing Hell forever today so sitting down and figuring out some key concepts actually helped. And to be fair, it wasn't like it needed much figuring out, I just had to finally can the procrastination and actually write things down in a clear form. Hopefully this will help me write a good pitch and query for this, now that I've figured out some things I want to emphasize. Whenever I end up writing a halfway decent query you folks from AW will sure be the first ones to know and get the opportunity to rip it all up in QLH...

Live and learn, right? I'm just hoping it won't take me another four years to whip this novel into readable (and hopefully even publishable) shape. I'd like to think that I'm getting there, but maybe I'm just delusional and the over-abundance of Teaser Tuesday praise is clouding my mind. Anyway, the You Suck Soundtrack constantly plays in the background and the jade-colored glasses are at hand...

Teaser Tuesday - Also, I can kill you with my brain.

2010-01-26T06:53:00.003-07:00

Okay, since a few people have been curious about the Voyance...this is a random snippet from chapter 4 and shows what happens when Ares' "Voyance thing" gets out of hand. At this point, both Ares and Damian have had a pretty rough night and at this point, Damian finds Ares passed out on the bathroom floor after just having puked his guts out due to an adversary drug reaction. Let's just say Ares is pretty out of it at this point...literally.

ETA: Again, there will be swearing. Oh and violence, I guess ;)

*snipped*

Thanks for commenting everyone! Oh and drop me an email or PM if you're interesting in beta-reading any of this :D

Other teasers: firedrake, Sunshine,Parametric, sunna, kbridges, inkwench, Redzilla, WritingDemons

Hey, look! This is getting somewhere!

2010-01-24T18:57:00.001-07:00

Looking at my trusty word-counter, I'm about 15,000 words into this third draft of my current WIP Light and it actually starts to feel like a) this is getting somewher and b) oh look, we have a draft, not just scraps or half-drafts like previous versions - woot!

And the words keep coming. Unlike in the past, when I had a truckload of personal issues to deal with, this time I actually manage to put out about a chapter a week, plus edits, which is pretty good for me, given that I have a full time job and also am pulling 15 credits at university and still manage to keep a fairly healthy social life (yes the favorite coffee shop sees me quite frequently, love you guys!).

So although I'm not giving myself definite deadlines, since I've decided to take the more relaxed rout here, I'd really like to get this draft done by the middle of the year at the latest (preferably earlier, given that my Green Card stuff works out and the U.S. of A. don't decide to deport me for whatever reason). Also, earlier would be better in case I actually manage to attend Backspace this year. We'll see about that one.

To help me along the lines of rewriting and also to be a little more coherent and less prone to babbling I've attempted to actually sit down and write a query for LIGHT earlier this week. Let's just say it stayed at the attempt for now. By now I at least have a vague idea of what I want my pitch to be like and thanks to the wonderful and ever so patient Parametric I know that I do not want to have an alternate PoV in my query, since I'm so definitely not writing a romance book. So yes, to produce a good query I just need to take some more time, sit down and maybe apply the Snowflake Method to get a little more out of my feeble attempts to write a query. It'll happen.

Also, I decided to tweak my overall wordcount a little. Looking at the 15k already written, I sincerely doubt that this draft will amount to 100,000 words when it's done and about 80,000 to maybe 90,000 on the high end seem so much more realistic. And brevity is good, people. Really. For more info on wordcounts, you may want to check out Colleen Lindsay's great post on word counts and novel lengths.

Anyway, here's to getting LIGHT query-ready in 2010. Since the basic idea for this WIP originated in 2006 it's about time for this to get somewhere, isn't it?

Teaser Tuesday - Magic is Not a Good Thing

2010-01-19T04:36:00.007-07:00

Alright, so I'm not happy with my first chapter, although I seem to have revised and re-written it countless times. Anyway, this is how Light, as it is right now, opens. And yes, we have another PoV: Ares, a Voyant who has kind of a personal deal with one of the Captains of the Watch to make sure he stays off the radar of the Empire of Light, which isn't really nice to magic users like Ares on a day-to-day basis.

Also, since I tend to forget, here be swearing (which you should be used to by now).

Ares

“Where is that Redcoat bitch of yours anyway?” Damian asked sourly.

The Place du Marché was buzzing with people. Normally you didn’t see much of the Watch in this part of Helos. Apparently tonight was an exception to the norm.

“I’m sure she’s here somewhere,” I replied, as we walked across the market place, if you wanted to call it that. It was but a circle of clear space between ramshackle houses and shops, built of whatever scraps one could find to patch up the crumbling, burned-out ruins characteristic for this part of Low Side.

“This is the rendez-vous point that we agreed on.”

“Rendez-vous. Yeah, right.”

I sighed. “Look. We have been over this. And I wish there was another way, but there isn’t, okay? Laras and I have a deal and I better keep it unless I want to fuck the gang.” To my surprise I even sounded convincing.

Money bought everything down here in the run-down and largely law-less parts of Helos. Life, power, protection. You name it. With the Watch, money bought you the privilege of being ignored. And sometimes the Watch just happened to demand a little more than just money. Which was the case with Captain Dahlia Laras. Whether she had just taken a particularly sick and creepy interest in me, or whether it was because I was a Voyant, I did not know.

“I’ll understand if you want to leave,” I said not for the first time this evening. But all that it earned me was another dark glare from Damian’s gray eyes.

“So what? You just want me to walk away and let her fuck you?”

“Yes. That is exactly what I want you to do,” I said acidly and after a second I added. “Please.”

For a moment Damian just looked at me silently, but I could see his jaw muscles clench as he bit off whatever he was going to say next.

Other Teasers:
Firedrake,
Christa Carol
Houndrat
Jenn W
sunna
inkwench
Parametric
Jy'Lenn
Writing Demons

Teaser Tuesday - Damian and Raeyn FTW

2010-01-12T16:26:00.004-07:00

Hi everyone,

this Teaser Tuesday snippet happens pretty soon after where the last snippet left off, but I decided to focus a little bit more on dialogue this time. Featuring Damian, who's pretty pissed off after being thrown into the river and getting his plans ruined and Raeyn, whom Damian later refers to as "the fucking Prince who’s mysteriously risen from the fucking dead".

Oh yeah, there'll be swearing.

Enjoy :)

*snipped*

Thanks for commenting everyone! Oh and drop me an email or PM if you're interesting in beta-reading any of this :D

Other Teasers: Houndrat, kbridges, Firedrake, justme, Jy'Lenn, K Taylor, Christa Carol, Tasmin21, writingdemons, inkwench

P.S.: Just realized that I hadn't blogged anything but the TT all week. I shall remedy that and also finish the next chapter..hopefully by tomorrow *wishful thinking* I hate my busy work/school schedule... *rantrant*

Teaser Tuesday!

2010-01-05T16:07:00.002-07:00

I'm joining in in Teaser Tuesday, something originated at the YA and Purgatory forum over at Absolute Write, in which a bunch of awesome people post snippets from their novels every Tuesday. Thanks to parametric for adding me to the list :)

Mine is from chapter 3 of my current WIP Light, a dark urban fantasy set in a a futuristic dystopia with the occasional medieval backlash. Damian is an assassin who also involved with Ares, my second narrator and main character, who happens to be a Voyant. In Light magic, or the Voyance in this case, is not exactly a good thing, because Voyants are persecuted in the shiny Empire of Light in which the world has been unified and everything is just peachy - at least in the Core. Outside we have to deal with the reality of poverty, corruption and various other perks of an inherently corrupt empire.

Currently Damian is rather pissed off about the exact details of how Ares is taking care that him and his merry band of outlaws remain under the radar of the Watch.

Oh and be warned, here be lots of swearing and profanity.

Enjoy :)

*snipped*

Thanks for commenting everyone! Oh and drop me an email or PM if you're interesting in beta-reading any of this :D

Other Teasers are: Christa Carol, Parametric, Firedrake, Jenn W., sunna, inkwench, houndrat, J'Lynn

How do you know you are a writer?

2010-01-03T19:49:00.000-07:00

This post comes with quite a bit of venting and frustration along with the question when and how you know you are a writer. Does being a writer mean you write every day or can you still consider yourself a writer when you are prone to write in spurts followed by intermittent "creative breaks" which I personally refer to as "streaks of intense whining and despair".

Which brings me to my current problem. I'm working on my novel Light every day. Just not as far as the writing is concerned. This is mostly linked to the sad reality that I'm a full-time student and also work full-time, have a boyfriend and an otherwise quite adequate social life. And since there are only 24 hours in a day, my writing consequently suffers from it and it tends to make me grumpy at times. But then there are moments like Friday night at work - one of those episodes in which I'm mentally "working" on my novel - when out of nothing sudden epiphany heralds the exact ending of the Endless Novel of Doom and everything is shiny as shiny can be.

Oh and then there is the thing with the One Hit Wonder. Since 2006, I have worked more or less exclusively on various drafts and conceptions of Light - but nothing else. While Light is sort of a stand-alone with a prospective series or at least at some point more to come, I cannot help but feel inadequate as my ability to come up with new book ideas is concerned. Is this a problem? Am I just being self-delusional and irrationally set on this idea of wanting to be a writer with nothing but 3 rather crappy drafts of one and the same novel to show for?

Am I panicking too much?

Probably yes.

But still it's hard not to break down and start fretting about these things, especially when surrounded by people who not only have much more time to devote to their writing, but also have many more novels under their belt than me.

Anyway, what's your opinion on this? How do you know you are a writer?

What the new year will bring...

2010-01-01T19:59:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's officially 2010 and I'm chiming into the overwhelming wave of new year blog posts. 2009 went by in a blaze, didn't it?

As for my resolution list for 2010, it's considerably shorter than the last few years, but I think I'm trying to focus on some important basics here while not stressing too much about the resolutions themselves (in fact stressing less is probably the major resolution, one which I know will be hardest to keep, just because I'm constantly chaotic and moving - it's just me.)

First off I want to write more and more consistently. No more flimsy excuses about school and an overwhelming personal life. Yes they're there and yes it'll be hard, but I've been one of these people with a 48-hour day for much too long to be intimidated let alone impaired by that reality. I am going to (not I want to) finish this draft of Light and make it pretty damn good so that I can attend a writing workshop at my school in fall and hopefully get it at least somewhat close to where I'm feeling confident to move towards querying. It'll mean some work, but I'm willing to go the extra mile with this. Plus, the last year has definitely shown me how much I need to just make time to write and how not writing really doesn't make me feel like myself.

The other goal is to live up to my challenge and read at least 100 books this year. I exceeded this goal in 2008, but didn't even get close to it in 2009 and again reading less made me more irritable, caused me to stress more etc. By now I should really know better than to deprive myself of the little time outs that reading and delving into stories gives me. So here's to that.

Now to the big one and that's something completely unrelated to writing or reading and that's hopefully being able to keep my Green Card and staying in the U.S. People who know me personally know all about my ordeal with getting married, eventually realizing that it just wouldn't work, getting out of an abusive relationship and all the stress and angst that came with it. Even though the whole thing was pretty horrible for my personally to the point where I had to seek out some help from therapy I think that overall this whole experience made me grow as a person.

Now there's just the little problem posed by immigration who need me to prove that I didn't just get married to come to the U.S. Which is pretty ridiculous since obviously I have every proof I should need and honestly sometimes would rather throw everything into the wind, screw my independence and the busy life I've built for myself here over the last three years and go back home. Only that Germany isn't really home anymore and while I'm often very torn between the two, I live in the U.S. and it's where I want to be. It's where my friends are (even though I still miss old friends from Germany), it's where my books are. It's where my cats are. No need to say that cats and books would definitely have to come back with me if this whole green card mess goes all to shit and they come up with some flimsy excuse not to let me stay.

But yeah. I've been stressing like crazy about this and even thinking about the insecurity not knowing whether I'm still going to be here and able to finish school in a few months gives me the shakes. So my resolution to this point is kind of fatalistic, but in the end the boyfriend and some other people who've given me some helpful advice will probably be right: I'll deal with it when I come to it. Let's just hope it'll all work out. And sorry if I'm taking away from the writing aspect of this blog by posting some updates on the immigration process here. Just because I need to vent about it sometimes, since it's caused me a lot of grief and stress.

Anyway, here be rants and resolutions. Thanks for putting up with it.

What Flavor am I? - Does it matter?

2009-12-31T05:40:00.001-07:00

Lately I've been reading and gotten involved in quite a few online discussions pertaining to homosexual characters in fiction and literature. While perusing several attitudes on this I've noticed something that's really been irritating me is the quite widespread opinion that writing about LGBT characters - specifically LGBT main characters - diminishes your chances to get your book published. And seriously, it's bullshit.

Yes of course, far from everybody is either gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender and there still are far too many narrow-minded people out there (Hey I live in Utah and by now am used to the looks you get when openly admitting to being bisexual.)

Consequently many readers may not relate to homosexual characters the way they do to heterosexual ones. However, it is also true that a lot of LGBT stuff is written by straight writers specifically for a straight audience (although I have to admit that some of this stuff is absolutely horrible, adorned with hideous covers featuring slick body-builder torsos and other suggestive material falling into the romance genre - ew!). Anyway, whether we're considering overflow of romanticized and idealized homosexual relationships in literature or more realistic depictions of LGBT issues - and yes there's more to it than just sex or coming out and similar issues - more and more writers are including non-heterosexual characters in their novels, kind of an emerging trend if you will.

Which brings me to my second point of annoyance: the quota gay. Seriously, homosexuality in literature may not be as common as heterosexuality yet, but it's far from a novelty and nothing is more irritating than authors who copiously assert their obvious open-mindedness by including an overly stereotyped quota gay, usually some minor character or side kick. Seriously, don't. And no I'm not the first one to point this out, but indulge me here.

Looking at this from the angle of a writer of LGBT fantasy, I also cannot help but ask why we have to make such a big deal about a character's sexuality at all? Sure, I enjoy books focusing on various LGBT aspects, but I definitely appreciate more and more writers writing about it in a way that doesn't make it seem like some great novelty, but merely a given. Authors like Monette, Bear, Hale and Francis actually do quite an amazing job of creating a world populated by characters of various sexualities, but in the end it doesn't really matter. Whether they are homo- or heterosexual doesn't totally encompass the entire story, but it's merely an aspect of the individual characters and more or less accepted in the society they live in.

Personally the idea to get rid of the aspect of the "otherness" of homosexuality has been one of the driving force in my own writing. Light is set in a world that is essentially bisexual, even though some characters may prefer either one or the other gender. Altogether the question "What flavor am I?" is inconsequential as the novel focuses more on issues pertaining to governance, corruption, the human mind and interpersonal relationships in general. Well, at least that's what I'm aspiring it to be.

To sum up this more or less coherent rant, the question whether novels starring homosexual characters sell is pretty much redundant. After all if you really just write to sell a novel or three then you better think again, or maybe don't even start.

This concludes my rant about immensely irritating questions, the answer to which should be more than obvious.

What's your favorite read of 2009?

2009-12-31T02:25:00.001-07:00

Sadly enough I read a lot less this year than last, probably due to an overly stressful life, multiple moves, jobs, school and the usual suspects. Still, going from what I did read, I've read some pretty damn good stuff. Here are my picks for best of 2009 of both old and new SFF:

Fantasy:

Joe Abercrombie - Best Served Cold.

Was this book awesome or what? Funny since his third installment of The First Law Trilogy was my favorite book last year, but all in all I can't help but say that he's getting better as he keeps going. Best Served Cold certainly had all the dark grit and dystopian feel one could hope for in dark fantasy. I thoroughly enjoyed Murcatto's psychoses and Friendly's obsessive compulsion with numbers. This one was a fast-paced page turner with an awesome ending. Fantastic standalone, but leaving me (as always) wanting more of Abercrombie's stuff.

Science Fiction:

Jeff Somers - The Eternal Prison

Let's face it, Avery Cates kicks ass and that's why we love him. Without giving too much away, I thought that the way Somers works with aspects of multiple personality disorder, the definition of what makes us human among various other strains and concerns of the human mind - with a totally badass main character. Nothing ever works out the way it's supposed to with Cates and that's what makes these books great and keeps you turning pages, wanting to find out what happens next. Can't wait for Cates #4 and I'm really happy that Somers' contract has been extended for more books - yay!

Urban Fantasy (I read so many books falling into this sub-genre to justify it getting its own category):

Jim Butcher - Turn Coat (Dresden Files #11)

The Dresden Files are one of my favorite urban fantasy series of all time, not just for Harry, but also for the awesome supporting cast populating the novels. And the way certain characters - like Morgan in this case - keep recurring throughout the novel. Definitely like to see the "darker Harry Dresden" emerging here and the sense that even after 11 books the Dresden Files are nowhere near finished. This is one among the few seires that keeps getting better and better and it's evident that Butcher is nowhere near done with Dresden's story line yet. Fortunately we get a new book every year. Can't wait for Change to come out in April of '10.

LGBT SFF (one of my favorite sub-categories and one that's happily expanding on my bookshelf):

Sarah Monette - Corambis

While probably not as inspiring as the first two installments of the Labyrinthine Cycle, Corambis still makes a great wrap-up for the series, tying most of the lose plotlines and creating a great sense of character resolution, which made this book outstanding in my opinion. It definitely leaves room for speculation as far as Kay and Felix as well as Mildmay are concerned and this would be one of the rare instances in which I've ever felt inspired to write some fan fiction of my own, but honestly I tend to stay away from such attempts, which is probably a good thing ;)
Another of the book's most amazing qualities is how Monette doesn't include common clichees when dealing with the relationship between Felix and Mildmay and definitely resolves their issues with interpersonal (and in Felix' case sexual) relationships in a way that doesn't fall into the conventional ending of boy gets girl, or boy gets boy in this case. In this regard Corambis definitely was a refreshing experience, because it ends the series on a different note than its beginning makes the reader expect it to be. Along with some really powerful scenes featuring Felix and the conception of Kay's character as a third PoV, Corambis is definitely one of those books that I'll read and re-read time and time again.
It makes me sad to see Monette's earlier books going out of print along with the fact that ACE has not renewed her contract, so I just keep hoping that she will write more in the future since I've found her works as some of the best and most inspring that I've read in the last few years. Here's hope for more to come soon.

"Classic" SFF (meaning "those books that everyone but me seems to have read, but I never got around to them until now"):

Ursula K. Le Guin - The Left Hand of Darkness

I can't believe I haven't read this book until just now! I randomly picked it up on a recommendation of an online friend of mine and it's been sitting on my shelf for over a year until I finally picked it up in reference to a science fiction literature class I attended last semester. Obviously I'm not adding anything new to the discussion of this book when I'm saying that Le Guin's "genderless approach" is full of win - regarding a human being as a person rather than a gender and the way she presents the world of Winter through Ai's eyes is absolutely intriguing and caused me to stay up all night to finish the book. The way The Left Hand of Darkness deals with gender, otherness, sexuality and last but not least self-awareness and individuality makes it one of the great literary classics of science fiction and now I finally and totally understand what everyone who has mentioned this book to me in the past has been raving about. I've re-read The Left Hand of Darkness twice since I've first read it and it'll surely not be the last time, because it's one of those works that keeps being inspiring and makes you draw on for your own writing.

Novella:

Elizabeth Bear - New Amsterdam

Yes, this is a vampire book, no, it does not suffer from the conventional pitfalls that usually prompts me to tread wary of vampires in fantasy. Overall, I probably prefer Bear's alternate history to her science fiction works. What made this novel especially intriguing was the feel of the victorian detective story it conveyed, oh and there is of course the LGBT influence that marks most of her books. By now I really regret not having bought the sequel "Seven for a Secret" right away, because only months later it has gone out of print and instead of $25 (which is still way steep for a hardcover novella of about 150 pages) it now isn't available for anything under $50 *dies* I guess this is one of those books that I'll have Eric hunt for. Because he's damn good at helping me out with cases like this.

Short Story:

John Varley - The Persistence of Vision

What intrigued me about this particular story is the way it deals with a physical disability such as deaf-blindness into a dystopian science fiction setting and creates a story - and a language - around it, with an ending that is both disturbing and refreshingly different.

As a student of English and German and languages in general, I've found the issues of language and understanding that Persistence of Vision deals with most intriguing. Even though entirely fictional the conception of a language that goes beyond both vocal and auditory senses is fascinating along with the complexity that it creates since the sense of touch and feeling is so much more subjective and makes it difficult to find a common base for language. This definitely was one of those stories that is poignantly deviating from the norm, which makes it all the more intriguing.

Anyway, those are my top of 2009 - sadly no debut novels really struck my eye this year, but then again I haven't been particularly attentive to that, so that's my own shortcoming. At least this year didn't hold any absolutely horrible reads in store (or at least I was sensible enough to put the book away before I'd be overcome with the urge to throw it and demand to get the lost hours of my life wasted on reading them back like I did with Twilight). We'll see what next year holds in store.

Best of 2009 - It's been a busy year, hasn't it?

2009-12-31T01:02:00.001-07:00

I just got a few idle minutes and took this poll here. And of course it inspired some rants and random insights that actually quite amuse me. Anyway, 'tis that end of the year thing to do, I guess.

December 1 Trip. Wow, I just realized that I pretty much stayed in UT all year. For I-don't-know-how-many years that's actually a novum for me. Well, technically I returned from Germany on January 4th of 2009, so I guess that would also count as the best of trips, since I loved going back again. Strangely enough I also realized that I can't really call Germany "home" anymore. In the words of my former English teacher and valued friend Rosemary Cadigan, somehow along those almost three years, Germany has become my home that isn't home anymore. Which feels really fucking strange.

December 2 Restaurant moment. Discovering a great Chinese place pretty much right around the corner from where I used to live. Great place. Sadly not that close anymore, because I've moved since.

December 4 Book. Hm, speaking from most recent experience, The Administration series by Manna Francis sort of blew my mind, rather unexpectedly so to be honest. What really got me about it though was its vivid characterization and how closely it relates to my own writing project Light I think. It was quite possible the best thing I read all year, it being slash fiction notwithstanding.
Also on that list would be Sarah Monette's Corambis, which - while maybe not as awesome as the first two books of the Labyrinthine Cycle - still was full of greatness and rounded up the series really well. Although I wished she wrote more ;)

December 5 Night out.Hm, had a lot of those, since I met my bf this year :) Oh and my friend writingdemons probably still laughs at me for getting hilariously drunk with her, zombieballerina and another friend. Even though the circumstances surrounding that night weren't all that pleasant at all, it still was probably the funniest night this year (at least from my perspective, since I wasn't the one getting beer spilled on...ahem.)

December 7 Blog find of the year. Altogether my blogroll has been expanding quite a bit this year. Especially since some friends of mine started writing blogs of their own, which was awesome :)

December 8 Moment of peace. Honestly? There are hardly any of those in my life. Things just keep happening and my life keeps up being rather comparable to a ride on the fast track. I'll sleep when I'm dead kind of stays the motto here, doesn't it?

December 9 Challenge. The complete revamp of my novel Light. After all the gestation and creative pauses induced by real life drama etc. I've finally found the muse (and courage) to rethink the entire concept of this novel that just won't stop lingering in my head. No matter what I keep telling myself about my own inadequacies as a writer, this novel wants to be written and it wants to be written well.

December 10 Album of the year. I don't so much go by albums as I do by bands. This year's greatest discoveries have definitely been Placebo and Silversun Pickups, which only made my love of Indie Rock grow even more. Also, The Uprising by Muse is a damn great album and I can't wait to see them in concert on my birthday!

December 11 The best place. Grounds for Coffee on 30th and Harrison in Ogden. It's the place where I can freely rant about writing and general nerdiness to friends and whoever else wants to hear it. Also, I still don't know the name of Fedora Hat Guy (sorry!) But after nearly three years of frequenting the coffee shop where he works at and occasionally exchanging book tips etc. it really would be awkward to ask, wouldn't it?

December 12 New food. Indian cuisine! Yes, I love it and thanks to two awesome Indian places around here I actually had the chance to venture past Chicken curry & Co.

December 13 What's the best change you made to the place you live? Heh. First off, I moved twice this year, the last one rather involuntarily, because the significant other had some issues with his insurance and had to move back in with his parents on a temporary basis. As for my current place? It's a bit teeny, but I still like it. And it's red. Very red. As always, but it's good like that.

December 14 Rush. Well, I got to fire a gun for the first time in my life. Given that it was one of the bigger calibers it was pretty cool. I still wouldn't want to own one, but it did one hell of a lot in helping me with some research that I had to do for Damian's character. And I met my boyfriend through it. So, success :)

December 15 Best packaging.Well maybe not best, but nerdiest: My Six Feet Under DVD set is packaged in the shape of a tomb stone with grass growing on top. It's awesome and my love of this show continues to be unbroken :)

December 16 Tea of the year. My favorite will always be chai, but right now I'm rather enjoying the green tea with ginger and lemongrass that my mom sent me from Germany. There are so many great tea places there.

December 17 Word or phrase. Clusterfuck and knackered. Pretty much puts life into a nutshell, doesn't it?

December 18 Shop. ABC Books in Kaysville. Because Eric is awesome and I never can get out of there in under two hours. Due to ensuing nerdy conversations between me (and writingdemons and zombieballerina if they're with me), awesome book and TV recs as well as random calls like "Hey, remember that book that you've been looking for? The one that's been out of print forever? I just got it in used." Eric is awesome and has my love and affection :)

December 19 Car ride.Oh God, my boyfriend's friend's demonic driving of doom. Still glad I survived this one.

December 20 New person.I'm not going to name any names, because it'd be immensely embarrassing if she found out, but it's someone who makes work awesome and who I'm really glad I got to know this year, not only for the sake of certain flirtations, but also for awesome nerdiness and sleep deprived hilarity :)

December 21 Project.Re-writing Light yet again. It's the fourth time now, if I count correctly and by now I should be getting tired of it.But it'll be awesome when finished. Although I'm positive that this won't be the last in depth edit. I'm masochistic like that.

December 22 Startup.That'd be Micah's Twisted Tattoo, where I recently got my sun tattoo. Even though the shop's been around for a while, it's totally rocking awesome and my Ink Lust is yet to be stilled ;)

December 23 Web tool. TV Tropes. Because it's just that awesome. Thanks to sirayns for the rec.

December 24 Learning experience. What was a lesson you learned this year that changed you? Probably that life's a fluid concept that never stands still. That no matter how stressful or outright unbearable it gets, you'll make it through and probably emerge from it stronger and more assured in what you want and what you can do. This year has certainly been one that held a lot of new things for me, not always voluntarily, but in the end I believe I'm better off for having lived through them.

December 25 Gift. What's a gift you gave yourself this year that has kept on giving? I gave myself my first tattoo for my birthday and still love it and what it stands for. Symbolism has been pretty important for me this year.

December 26 Insight or aha! moment. What was your epiphany of the year? I think this year was the first time that I realized what leaving home and going not only to a foreign country and deciding to live there, but to one so far away from everyone else and starting up completely by myself really meant. I've had a divorce, lost my previous job, had to move twice and scrabble with a lot of issues pertaining to how I define myself and realized that although I highly value my independence, it also comes with a price. That and I am glad for all the wonderful people who have helped me through it, both old friends and family from home and new amazing people and friends who I've met here. Thanks to everyone who still hasn't gotten tired of me bitching and moaning about the realities of life and all my eccentric quirks yet, I really appreciate it.

December 27 Social web moment. Did you meet someone you used to only know from her blog? Did you discover Twitter? Yes, I did discover twitter and love it. Online I met a lot of new people and writers that I appreciate and admire for their work and the advice they give. I definitely would love to meet more of them in person though.

December 28 Stationery. Color-coded index cards, baby! Seriously, colored index cards in combination with a huge white board - the shit. :D

December 29 Laugh. Oh. My. God. My supervisor's well-screwed cat impersonation at work - someone meowing like that in the middle of Walmart at 4am literally makes you cry tears laughing.

December 30 Ad. What advertisement made you think this year? I don't even remember which organization it was for, but it was one featuring homeless pets that seriously made me cry. Which is the reason why I can't go to Petsmart on adoption day...

December 31 Resolution you wish you'd stuck with. (You know, there's always next year...) Probably writing something every day. As much as I wanted to do it, life, school etc. just wouldn't let me. Of course this is just a silly excuse since I usually work much more effectively under pressure, but there you have it, I'm a hypocrite.
Oh and of course there's always the one about losing a few superfluous pounds. It comes and goes I guess.
The most hilarious resolution that I failed to keep up however is never to sleep with a heterosexual man. Ever. Again. (Though I think the BF is merely delusional and sexually repressed ;) ) It happens to everyone, I guess. As to the why about that particular resolution, you may want to bring some extra time and patience to listen to my rants about that particular topic =p

And yes, that's my year in a not-so-brief nutshell. It's been an interesting one. Certainly not uneventful on my part.

Book Pangs - Recommendations needed!

2009-12-29T17:50:00.001-07:00

You know that feeling when you've just finished reading a really, really good book that you literally couldn't put down and that in your opinion could have gone on forever? That feeling somewhere between ecstatic happiness at how awesome of a read it was and sad mellowness because it was over too soon? Yeah, I've got that right now, along with the dilemma that while I have tons of unread books on my shelf, none of them seems to be promising enough a read to hold up to what I've just finished.

Anyway, I'm open for suggestions here. Preferably something character-driven, with a dark edge (due to my professed abhorrence of happy, fluffy stuff) and maybe some LGBT thrown into the mix? Well, if you have any suggestions to ease my book pangs, let me know :)

Yes, "fuck" does have different meanings here - Symbolism in Writing

2009-12-16T14:35:00.000-07:00

Talking with a friend about my writing earlier, made me aware of quite a lot of symbolism that I am using throughout my writing, but intentionally and unintentionally. Consequently it made me wonder about how much unconscious symbolism we tend to use when we write.

In the first chapter that I just finished revising alone are quite a few examples of symbols or motifs that keep recurring throughout the novel and while some of them (like the ambiguity of the word "fuck" in both the literal and the metaphorical sense) are quite consciously placed, while others (like a reference to ravens) just kind of pop into your head and they just fit. I actually experienced this with one of my characters who I knew had a tattoo of a raven holding a broken pocket watch (a design that I actually had a dream of and ended up getting for my first tattoo on my right shoulder blade afterwards, because it was just too cool to pass up). Both the raven and the watch have multiple meanings in relation to the story, but also have some personal significance. So do some other symbols, metaphors and allusions throughout "Light".

I suppose that just affirms a comment I have made on a friend's blog this week, stating that a writer seldom just draws from research or makes up a story completely without including some experiences or knowledge from their personal lives. To me it's just very interesting how often this happens on a totally unconscious level and how it sometimes even takes others to point this out to you.

Just a thought.

P.S.: Maybe it's just my personal obsession with this story, but I'm about to get another tattoo that relates both to my novel and my personal life: a sort of tribal sun design in red and black shading on my lower back. It's my christmas present to myself :-)

I love to cut, does that make me a masochist?

2009-12-16T14:14:00.000-07:00

No, I'm not talking about being emo, I'm talking about the joys and woes of editing. I don't know how you all feel about it, but I actually quite like editing. Even though it drives me to the verge of insanity at times. (Yes, I have thrown things before. I tend to do that when getting frustrated. Have to admit that I even threw my laptop once...yeah, bad idea...)

The first chapter of the current draft of Light is a great example for this. In which you write something and you like it, but it doesn't have "it" quite yet. So, if you're me, you let it sit for a day, look at it again the next day and - surprise! - yes, it still bugs you for the same reasons, but you can't put your finger to it. Or you can, but you aren't sure how to fix it. So you let it sit some more. Until finally you just decide to hell with it and cut the passages that have been your problem children for days. Because, hey, you've let other people read it and - again, what a surprise - they agree with you! So after a few days, or nearly a week in my case, you finally have this first chapter, this great foundation to build your story on, and you wonder why you hadn't thought of this right away, since it's so obvious what you did wrong and how you can not only improve it, but make it fit in with the entire rest of your story so much better (oh the creation of shiny transitions and the dropping of red herrings of joy!).

Anyway, the point I'm trying to make in this ramble is that even though I really want to make progress on upcoming chapters and get moving with this draft, sometimes it's really important to just hammer down the beginning. Personally, I've made the mistake of just writing and thinking later much too often and it tends to make weak, inconsistent plots. So even though it may take more time and can be frustrating to the point of which you want to burn everything you have written in a blazing bonfire of writerly frustration, there's an end to it - and shiny plotting goodness - in sight.

So here's my little take on editing, what's yours? Do you just go ahead and write nanowrimo-style, to get things going or do you tend to be like me and overthink things a little at times?

2010 Reading Challenge - 100 Books or more!

2009-12-13T23:09:00.000-07:00

Just signed up for a 2010 Reading Challenge over at J. Kaye's Book Blog
in an attempt to read at least 100 books in 2010. Made it to 130 in 2008, but only about 50 this year since school and life took a major swing at me. We'll see where next year leads.

I've been compiling my TBR pile for a while, which will include:

Hammered, Scardown and Worldwired - Elizabeth Bear
All the Windwracked Stars - Elizabeth Bear
Flesh & Spirit / Breath & Bone - Carol Berg
The Outremer - Chaz Brenchley
Bridge of Dreams - Chaz Brenchley
Blood Bound & Iron Kissed - Patricia Briggs
Captain's Fury, Princeps Fury & First Lord's Fury - Jim Butcher
The New Dresden Files Book (whose title seems to elude me atm) - Jim Butcher
Naamah's Kiss - Jacqueline Carey
Vellum/Ink - Hal Duncan
The White Road - Lynn Flewelling
The Republic of Thieves & The Bastards and the Knives (IF they actually get published as planned!) - Scott Lynch
An Echo in the Bone - Diana Gabaldon
The Mistborn Trilogy - Brandon Sanderson

And we'll see what else comes out or will add to it :-)

The Devil Lies in the Beginnings.

2009-12-13T21:32:00.000-07:00

First off, I made some lovely progress on Light today, finally getting down to re-writing the first chapter. Again. I think this is the fifth time, or the sixth, that I have scrapped what I had written previously because it was either unnecessary, bland or suffered from acute lack of engagement of the characters and hence the reader - or all the above.

Pretty sure most of you agree that beginnings are one of the most challenging things to write and are solely contrived to drive us miserable authors into fits of raging insanity with the urge to burn whatever we have written and never look at it again. Well, almost. In this case I'd like to put my money with the lovely parametric and point out that this is nothing but a move up as far as the stages of competence are concerned.

So am I just going to assume that I am inevitably getting better the more I learn about the mechanics of writing which incurs an increasing awareness of how horribly inadequate my abilities as a writer are and hence I'm a secret genius? Not quite. While it is undeniably true that I'm growing more and more self-critical the more I learn about how writing works and about what is and what is not a good opening for a book, the more my writing improves, and yet the more I question myself, especially if we add the sad reality that I still seem to make the same mistakes.

There's t he issue of description for example. I hate it. It hates me. In a sense we have quite a symbiotic relationship of mutual antagonism here. Other than plot, pacing, character and dialogue, I seem to have a hell of a time including not only the right dosage, but also poignant description that really matters. Consequently I find myself getting into arguments with fellow writers and beta readers who keep telling me time and time again that I do need more description and that this chapter leaves them unable to really envision how my characters look like.

Now, while I certainly understand that claim and regard it as more than legitimate (I'm really trying to fix this here), I also cannot help but ask: Do you really need to know exactly how Ares' face looks like and that Damian's left eye is a slightly darker shade of gray than his right one? Don't get me wrong, I think it's important to at least have a vague idea of the physiology of protagonists, but do we really need a Kodak Moment in the first chapter to achieve this? Or isn't it more intriguing to learn more about the characters' looks and physical features as you delve further into the plot?

You tell me, because apparently I'm a minimalist as far as description is concerned.

Hello World, or: YAY for relocation!

2009-12-13T09:00:00.000-07:00

Hi there!

After a lot of back and forth I finally decided to locate my writing blog, formerly under the url www.nymeria87.wordpress.com to Blogger, since this blog domain overall seems to be easier to operate and does not spontaneously make a bunch of site features disappear in the Big Black Hole that is the world wide web *glares at wordpress*

Anyway, it's been time for a little makeover for this blog anyway. And no, I'm not going at this with the premise: new draft - new blog, but there were just a few things (like title, usernames and some content) that I wanted to change, but the old site wouldn't let me.

That said, expect rants about the craft of writing (hence the title "Fabrica Scribendi" - yes, the Latin student in me rejoices) and the progress on the now third (or is it the fourth already?) draft of the continuous ~~ordeal~~ project that is my dark urban fantasy novel Light. I'll also try to post regular book reviews and the occasional rant about tv or pop culture won't be amiss either.

So say hi to this little, rambling brainchild of mine and I hope you like it,

Cheers!
~dystophil

P.S.: Oh and before I forget, I anyone is upset by the usage of foul language on this blog or language, sex and violence in my writing - you may best advised to read through someone else's rants.

P.P.S.: For those who are wondering if I am continuing to post my writing password-protected on this site: I won't do it here, but if you are interested in beta-reading please email me at sfloch87[at]gmail[dot]com. If you are already in my well-beloved and highly treasured circle of awesome beta readers, you know where to find me :-)